Things I Said to My Strict Immigrant Parents So They Would Let Me Out of the House
- I’m going to church.
2. I’m going to the library to read all the encyclopedias.
3. I have an exam tomorrow and the valedictorian has offered to study with me. I mean salutatorian. I would never disrespect this household by not being the best all the time.
4. There’s this very exclusive ivy league school. It only accepts the top 10 smartest people from their age group. I’m one of those people, so I have to go to [location of my choice] to pick up the admission letter. I have to do it in person so they confirm it’s me.
5. I’ll be the only person there, everyone else there will be my clone.
6. I’m inserting a tiny little camera on my shirt so you can see where I am at all times.
7. I’m inserting an earpiece into my ear so you can communicate stern rebukes of what you observe from the previously mentioned camera.
8. I just invented this shrinking gun. I will shrink both of you, place you in my pockets so you can be with me at all times.
9. I’m going to meet God.
10. I’m going to meet Satan, but it’s okay because Satan offered to make me valedictorian.
