I Just Got Scam Hired By A Fake Shipping Company via LinkedIn.

This could have been a very embarrassing story for me. A tragedy, in fact. Actually, I’m quite mad at myself that I was taken for a ride as long as I was before exiting the car. I did have the suspicion that I was, perhaps, being scammed very early on, but the scam was a good one so I kept second-guessing myself. And you know, Covid 19. People need work. And companies need remote workers.

I started sending out resumes a few months back and I began mass applying for any and every writing and visual arts job I could possibly apply to on LinkedIn. Remote jobs mostly, as Albany, NY is not exactly a hub of creativity. I have zero clue how many jobs I applied to. Likely hundreds. Maybe over a thousand. With the Easy Apply feature on LinkedIn it’s very very easy to send a resume to many companies quite quickly. Gone are the days of cold calls and stuffing resumes in envelopes and waiting two weeks for some HR person to get back to you once they get back from from “vacation.”

So here and there I get some bites. Early this week I get a bite from a very BIG shipping company. Like any normal person I instantly looked them up. Big company. Right away I see they had a multi-million dollar revenue in 2017. Not bad. Like any good potential employee I check out the company website and learn that they are a global shipping company.

Great. Big company. Lots of money. Lots of business. A fancy website. My mind wanders some. We are in a pandemic. Shipping is probably up while everything else is suffering horribly. So their email, which looked very professional, explains how they liked my resume and wanted to set up a Google Hangouts meeting with me on Wednesday at noon PT, 3:00 EST. I’m mildly curious. I look up the guy I’m supposed to interview with on his LinkedIn profile. Fantastic pedigree. Head of this, that, and the other thing. He’s worked everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Fill in the blanks. And he wants to interview me. Now this should have been the very first BIG ASS red flag to me, but it wasn't. An assistant set up the meeting. Her email had a company-dot-something in it, instructions, etc. and I set up the meeting. I do not hear back right away but eventually I get a very brief, “Okay. Talk to you then at 12pm.” I figure this guy must be crazy busy. He does not have time to chit chat. So I go find a decent button down in my closet and set it aside for Wednesday, you know, because I want to look good from the waist up for my interview/meeting.

When Wednesday finally rolls around I decided to actually shave about two hours before the meeting. To give myself confidence I actually put on pants and even wear sneakers in the house. I figure, how confident could I be sitting at my meeting barefoot? So as the day wears on I am conscious of the time. Noon PT is 3:00 EST. I need to be aware of this. As the time grows closer we lock up our dog—Gizmo Jones—and everyone is informed I’ll be on a video meeting at 3:00 and that they should be quite, shut the F up, and not come into the kitchen randomly demanding food like Conan the Barbarian. My sons are 13 and 19. They eat a lot.

So in the last moments before the meeting I look over the company website some more, you know, so I know what the hell the company I’m about to interview with might require from me. And so I don’t sound like a moron if they ask, “So do you know what we do?” or, “Do you know what our vision is?” I also look at their website carefully so I can get a sense of the graphic design style and the style of corporate-speak they use for their copy. I learn what I can in the last few minutes so I can use some catch phrases if asked.

Hopefully I’ll come across as mildly impressive.

I figure I could cobble together copy and create designs somewhat similar to what I saw on the company website. Maybe this should have been a red flag for me at that point too since I have not worked for a company full time since I was employed at TheGlobe.com back before Facebook even existed. About 20 long years ago. Since then I have been raising my kids as a stay-at-home dad and slowly building a new career as a freelance writer. Just before the interview begins I think to myself that this corporate guy must have been around the block a few times. He’d not waste his time with just anyone. He must have checked me out extensively online before this process even started. I’m not hard to find online. I think I’m the only Adam Furgang on Earth. If there is another Adam Furgang out there let me know.

So the ruse against me builds. Soon it’s 3:00 EST and my house goes silent and I sit and wait. Right at 3:00 I am contacted and explained that I will be asked a series of questions. This was a big red flag. It was a text only meeting. No video. No audio. But it still seemed very much on the level. All the questions that I was asked were about my professionalism. My design skills. My interactions with project managers. The interview went on and on. It seemed legit.

Would I be able to commit 20–35 hours a week?

Yes.

How do you measure the success of your designs?

I think carefully and answer with enormous bullshit, “I think graphic design, first and foremost, is about communication. A good design communicates information to an end user and should be clear, easy to understand, and pleasant to look at. Designs should be tailored for their specific audience. While complex designs have their place, I tend to create designs that communicate first, and are as free of visual distractions as possible.”

I shovel the shit, as any good interviewee would.

A lot more questions and answers. Salary. Commitment. Home equipment. 2–3 day training session. And on and on and on.

Then he texts that he needs to check with the hiring board…and that I should stand by…

I wait patiently.

I turn the AC back on.

Now looking back I realize I’m a gigantic moron, but you need to remember that I have not worked for a company full time for 20 years and a lot has changed since then. Many companies I freelance for never speak with me, ever. It’s 99% text and email. Once in a while there is a meeting, kinda like this. This texting-only thing was odd, but my mind thinks that this GIANT company maybe wants a written record of the interview rather than a video version. Who knows?

So about 15 minutes pass and I am told I have the job!

Fantastic.

I start soon.

And I will be provided with a whole shitload of equipment for my new small home office.

Here is the list they provide: iMac Pro eight-core, 3.2GHz processor includes 27-inch 5K display Hp LaserJet Pro M15w Printer. External hard drive/backup system. Headset with microphone. Networking and router capabilities. Surge Protectors and Automated Time Tracker. ProofHub. GitHub. Adobe Dreamweaver CC. Crimson Editor. Source: Phpirate/Wikimedia Commons. Crimson Editor is a freeware text editor by the team behind Microsoft Windows. It is a professional source code and HTML editor that serves as an apt replacement for products like Notepad. ….Bitbucket. Codenvy. Axosoft. LeanKit.

There is a ton of text at this point and my head is spinning. My wife too is shocked by all this.

I say, “Wow. Thanks. I am curious as to why you did not want to talk to me on the phone or face-to-face Are you there? Hello?”

No answer.

Then the corporate guy comes back and asks for my personal information. Like a moron I give my home address and my cell number. They already have my email. So far I have not provided anything earth-shattering. Randomly looking someone up online and gathering their home address and phone number is not rocket science.

Then they ask about my bank account.

Then I know.

Scam.

Fuck.

How could this happen to me? I’m from Queens. I used to tell homeless to fuck off before they could place the squeegee on my car window in Manhattan. Some friends and I were once “held up” by a guy with a supposed gun in Philly and I knew it was not a gun and complete bullshit and I told him to fuck off.

I don’t get scammed.

I tell scam callers who call the house that they must have the wrong number and that this is “JoJo’s Auto Supply and Hot Pepper Joint.” Fake calls that come here have become an art for me. “No, I’m sorry there is no one here by that name. This is the Elderberry Nursing Home. I think that man passed away a few years back from excruciating rectal cancer” or “This is the FBI regional office. Can I help you?” or “Blackjacks Titty Bar. Can I help you find someone?”

I don’t get scammed. And ultimately I did not get scammed. But I came very close to getting scammed.

And this is a wake up call for all the companies out there looking to hire on LinkedIn. And for LinkedIn too.

Wake up.

Someone is using your fancy-ass company and your well-pedigreed Head of HR to scam people. Good people like me.

Technically I was just hired. LOL. I am supposed to start work as soon as possible on my new iMac Pro eight-core, 3.2GHz processor includes 27-inch 5K display Hp LaserJet Pro M15w Printer.

I had the good sense to actually call the company after I realized it was a scam. After explaining myself carefully I got some actual company email and was told to forward everything there. I even sent the rather long and embarrassing Google Hangout where I poured my heart out trying to get a job over to them too.

Hours later the actual coperate HR guy called me and confirmed what I already knew — it was a scam and he had been getting calls and messages all afternoon about fake meetings that he had not attended. He explained how sorry he was. We had an actual real conversation. The way real conversations are meant to happen. He was, as you might imagine, very well spoken. We chatted for quite a while. I even actually asked him for a job. Jesus, I figured I could have lost my entire life savings if I was a moron, so the least he could do was actually consider me. Especially since I had the good sense to call the phone number I found online and alert this multimillion dollar company that a plebeian like me was almost duped by some international conspiracy.

Out of respect I have not mentioned the company’s name. I will, however, mention LinkedIn again. Get your shit together, guys.

As for the well-pedigreed HR man from the multimillion-dollar company…well he explained to me they are spending quite a lot with LinkedIn to post jobs there, and they don’t want good people like me getting taken for a ride.

Everyone can thank me now.

I’ll accept check, money order, Paypal, or an actual job.