Submit for UltraLiberal Reconditioning

Adam Furgang
The Land of the Forgotten
5 min readSep 3, 2020

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Do you consider yourself a liberal, moderate liberal, or a centrist, but find that some of your friends, family, or online acquaintances are behaving oddly? Are you afraid to ask any questions, or post anything even mildly political online? Do you feel like all your political thoughts are being scrutinized on a granular level? Do you often get talked down to by your peers? Are you made to feel like you need to “get with the program,” or are you ever so politely nudged by people to abandon your thoughts or questions? Do you feel like you are living during the “red scare” and that Senator Joseph McCarthy’s alter-ego doppelgänger ghost may be a friend of your friend and is likely monitoring what you say?

If you answered yes to even one of the above questions you are more than likely amongst ultraliberals. I should warn you right away that even if you are an actual liberal and voted for other high-profile liberals like Obama and Clinton you are still likely not safe. Even if you want equal pay for women, police reform, universal healthcare, stricter gun laws, the decriminalization of marijuana, and universal harmony between all humankind that will not help you.

Not even close.

Do you like to read from multiple news sources? Do you read the New York Times and The New York Post? Do you watch CNN and FOX? Do you often go to The Washington Post, The Intercept, The Huffington Post and The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Times, Daily Wire, and The Daily Mail for different political perspectives on what is going on in the world? If you answered yes then God help you. You are very likely in incredible danger.

Be warned… I have already been called out publicly right on my own Facebook forum page for posting articles from Breitbart and The New York Post! Apparently nothing truthful can come from these blacklisted news sources, and even if that were possible I am apparently not considered to be discerning enough to be permitted to sift through them casually any more. No one is!

Are you a liberal but you think it’s a little odd to call ruinous and violent riots, mostly peaceful? Seek help quickly!

Are you a liberal who thinks that “cultural appropriation” is ridiculous and realize that we live in a “melting pot” and that every culture throughout history has stolen, taken, or borrowed from other cultures to learn, grow, and evolve? How dare you think that!

Are you a liberal who wishes a better presidential candidate was picked to run against Trump instead of Joe Biden? Shut up, get in line, and vote blue!

Are you a liberal who thinks even if Joe wins he’ll likely not dismantle the wall (or many of the policies) Trump built? You mind blob!

Are you liberal but still think it’s possible that Trump might win again? You filthy lizard!

Are you a liberal but also think that socialism is pretty ridiculous and has failed everywhere it was tried in earnest? Your mind has snapped!

Are you a liberal who realizes some economic changes are needed here but you are also still perfectly fine living in a capitalist society where not everything is 100% equal for everyone? You economic radical!

Are you a liberal who thinks many liberal policies have gone way too far to the left and the party is perhaps committing a form of political suicide? Nonbeliever!

— If you are just an ordinary liberal, a centrist, or if you happen to have even one toe over the fence into the right-wing camp on even a single issue then you are pretty much a raging MAGA barbarian and sick in mind and body!

— If your back is not all the way up against the far-left wall all the ultraliberals are climbing like zombies to scramble atop of then you are not worthy of even speaking!

Do you recall that Donald Trump was once a liberal and supported Hillary? Quiet, you reptile!

Are you from Queens just like Donald Trump? You are locationally challenged!

Do you remain calm and not explode like a pressure cooker when Donald Trump says or tweets asinine and bigoted comments? You are likely a racist too!

Do you suspect that Donald Trump knows what gets particularly sensitive people (and the media) upset and is simply behaving in a manner to get a maximum rise out of them? You caged animal!

Do you think people have minds of their own and that the president of the United States can not cause (most) people to drink bleach or cleaning fluids? And that the few who did are probably better off anyway? You are obviously sick in your head!

Do you dutifully follow every covid rule but still have some sensible questions?

Are you made to feel like a moron for asking lockdown, economic, or health related Covid questions? Stop thinking!

Did you observe people wearing masks incorrectly, or only useless face shields, or crappy-ass bandanas, their moms panties, or even nothing at all, and wonder if this whole mask thing might be a tad overblown since not everyone is complying anyway? You sorry sap!

Have you considered that on a good day this country is nuts and that when the economy is intentionally shut and millions of people are being pushed to poverty violence will erupt? You plebeian!

Have you wondered about all the money being made by people producing masks, stickers, and Plexiglas? You are hopeless.

Have you had the fleeting thought that remote learning is pretty crappy and and that social interaction and face-to-face learning is extremely important? Stop! You are swimming in shark infested waters!

Have you come to the conclusion that there are some people in this country who will never submit to a Covid-19 vaccine and that because of this it will continually spread and randomly kill people anyway? Stop thinking, brainiac!

The silenced

Do you dislike cancel culture and feel it’s nothing more than virtue signaling from self righteous people who likely have some skeletons in their closet too? Follow or die!

Have you felt bad when people you disagreed with get shouted down and are not allowed to speak or freely express their opinions? Heretic!

Do you think it is OK for books and literature to exist even if you disagree with their content or ideas? You troll!

Are you made to feel like a pariah for asking any questions and possibly going against the ever-changing ultraliberal status quo? Good! That’s what they want!

Purge your browser cache.

Burn your books.

Mail in your vote.

Then submit for ultraliberal reconditioning.

You will soon be assimilated into the ultralibreal-hive-mind and all your free thoughts will be purged into oblivion.

Soon you will be well.

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Adam Furgang
The Land of the Forgotten

Writer • Editor • Visual Artist • Gamer • Troublemaker