Chronic illness doesn’t require chronic complaining.
Find community in listening to the stories of winners — not whiners.
Social media and online forums have become a sounding board for those of us with chronic illnesses to derive satisfaction and reinforcement from complaining and self-pitying. It’s like there’s a competition for who can have the worst or weirdest symptoms on any given day.
But when was the last time you improved your life through complaining?
I’ll wait . . .
Yeah . . .
Sure, it temporarily feels good to whine and get a dopamine rush in our pity party of 1, but as soon as the last complaint is uttered, are we better off than before? Quite the opposite; we’ve actually trained our brains to complain more and derive pleasure from negative reinforcement, thus making our mental and physical state worse. Complaining isn’t as harmless as it seems.
Complaining comes easily to those of us with chronic disorders because it stems from a good and very human desire: the innate need to feel like we’re not alone.
The pain, fatigue, depression, setbacks, misunderstandings, social pressures, loss of hope that all comes with a chronic disorder is overwhelming. By sharing our struggles and hearing how others are struggling too helps remind us that we aren’t the only poor souls on Earth dealt a shitty hand by destiny. We’re part of a community struggling with the same obstacles and the same desire to belong.
But there’s a better way to find community without resorting to negative reinforcement and childish whining: listening to those who are living free and successfully. Why not attach ourselves to those who have been right where we are, in the pain and hopelessness, but have found a way of overcoming it? Why not join around a shared sense of hope and progress, where our illness does not define our identity anymore than it defines our ambitions and aspirations in life? Why not follow the winners instead of the whiners?
We all need a mentor, someone who is has been where we are now but is already where we hope to be.
This is not to create superheroes out of men or women, but to recognize that there are always those who are ahead of us in the race. We all need a mentor, someone who is has been where we are but is already where we hope to be.
This approach to online community satisfies our need to know we’re not alone (you’re not) while also delivering the hope that our lives can (and will) get better if we focus on what works and not what hurts.
focus on what works and not what hurts
So in an effort to eat my own dog food (or cat food in my case), I’m going to start sharing my story. I began writing about it a year ago when I realized how far I’d come in 17 years of living with Fibromyalgia — but I dropped the ball after 3 posts. (I’m sorry). In 2019, I left Puerto Rico, shut down my startup, started a new company, sold all my possessions in the states, and began a new life in Budapest, Hungary. So, while I have been a bit busy, it’s no excuse for inconsistency. After all, consistency is why I’m able to live free today 17 years in.
But a few weeks ago, a young fi-bro who reminds me a lot of myself (sorry, David) messaged me after reading my series on hacking your health (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 if you’re interested in catching up). We started talking and telling our stories and he knocked me over the head with an obvious realization: my success story brings him hope. By hearing how I’ve been where he is now but have come out the other side, he realizes his problems aren’t unique. If I can improve my life to the point of running my own business, moving across the world, weight lifting 7 days a week, well, he damn well can too. He changed my mind on what and how I share my story (thanks, David) and now I want to start sharing it with you too.
So every week, I’m going to write about what he and I talk about and discover together. I don’t have a plan, system or 10 step program to get him from A-B. I’m just going to help him go from where he is to where he wants to be, however it works best. Because I want his success to be yours, if you’re willing.
Chronic illness is not a prison sentence. Your life isn’t over. In fact, you’ll discover, as I have, that you’re able to accomplish more than you even thought possible. Because adversity refines you.
Let’s do this together.
Want to join us? Just leave a comment here or in any future posts.
There’s a thousands places online to join in on complaining about your latest ailment. Why not join one that empowers you to CHANGE for good?
