Halal Dating

WORK IN PROGRESS

Wikipedia defines dating as a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. This period is generally seen as the period before engagement where the potential couple gets to know each other better. Needless to say, what constitutes dating and how the society perceives it differs from culture to culture. In today’s piece, I will look at this phenomenon in Indian Muslim societies and how the changing times have affected our perception of dating.

History of Dating

What exactly is Dating

Men and women get together for the primary purpose of reproduction — it’s an evolutionary trait that helps in the survival of the species. Somewhere along the way in our journey, however, humans developed societies and started depending on each other. Marriage between two individuals fostered sexual exclusivity and helped establish rights of people over each other — spouses, parents, and offsprings. Some societies tend to see marriage as a divine bond, others a social construct. The role of dating similarly varies. We, for the purpose of this article, will see dating as a process where a couple is looking to evaluate each other with the prospect of future companionship.

The Anthropological Origin of Dating

In most cultures, marriages were arranged by seniors in the concerned families — what we call arranged marriage today. Marriages not only helped in continuing the family line but also established prestige and furthered both families’ economic prospects. Hence, we used to see very strict hierarchies in marriages of the past and even today. Courtship, the precursor to dating was a largely clandestine affair and often pursued outside the bonds of marriage. The advent of dating is a very recent phenomenon — perhaps a century or so. This coincides with the period when individual human rights were being recognised and acknowledged, separate from the rights of the society. Feminist movements were gaining ground the world over. In was in such a background that men and women started expressing their individuality and seeking partners of their own away from societal systems that were in place until then.

Technological Shocks

The biggest change in the modern era that has made dating more accessible and acceptable is technology. I have talked about it previously too. With the advent of social media, we are able to see what is happening around the world. It is also easy to communicate with individuals without the requirement, or threat, of other people. With media like Facebook and WhatsApp, it has become all the more easy to discover and keep in touch with a larger number of people. Also, the very nature of social media allows people to share their lives online which makes it a very good place to evaluate people.

Setting the Context for Halal Dating

Dating in India

India has been the nation of love. Many of the old texts from this land centre around the love affair of two people. Empires were won and lost over love. Bollywood movies have almost entirely been romantic in nature and almost always have a central lead pair. For all this talk of love, we haven’t allowed our children to fall in love with partners of their choice. Religion and Caste are the most obvious barriers but I guess ego has had its part to play. This seems to be changing in modern times and more and more people are marrying out of love. While the metros have led this change, the rest of India too is acknowledging the idea now.

Dating in Islam

Dating per se is not prohibited in Islam. However, relations of a physical nature are and hence most of the Islamic world still relies on arranged marriages. The traditional framework of marriage requires couples spending time together to understand one another. This is still seen as taboo in most of the Muslim World.

What is Halal Dating

Dating within the framework of Islam would be called halal dating. While it is a very vague term, it would definitely constitute no physical relations between the couple. Other elements like parental supervision and approval would also make way into this.