Biden caught on camera sniffing two-year-old: Victim border collie speaks out
Joe “The Senile Sniffer” Biden has been caught on camera once again sniffing without consent yet this time the victim was not human. This time it was a border collie named Billie that fell foul of the 77-year-old’s latest nasal attack
Reporting by sniffing correspondent Lem Sip
In a press appearance attended by 10–15 journalists and numerous canines from rescue shelters, Joe Biden has been caught sniffing and whispering in the ear of a two-year-old border collie.
While Biden is surrounded by a number of rescue dogs and volunteers from shelters he leans into the head of Billie — a former working dog who lost a foot in a sheep-herding accident — to visibly sniff the animal as it leans awkwardly away.
Biden can also be seen whispering something in Billie’s ear and although the cameras at the scene only picked up small parts of what he was saying, Billie has bravely come forward to exclusively share her unsettling encounter straight from the dog’s mouth.
“I’d seen the videos of Biden grabbing women from behind, playing with and sniffing the hair of young girls and putting his hands on the waists of those girls as they squirm away but I assumed I was safe as it seemed his fetish was just little human females,” woofed Billie.
“I thought me and all the other dogs were there to demonstrate the variety of rescue dogs there are out there but it quickly became apparent to me that we were only there as some sort of harem for his sick perusal.
“Shortly after a Jack Terrier nipped at his wrinkly sausage finger he turned his attentions to me.
“While always keeping his eye on the cameras and in between sending a broad, shining smile to the gathered horde he nonchalantly asked me how old I was, how many were in my litter and if I had been neutered yet,” whimpered Billie.
This reflects similar statements Biden made to little girls including one where he asked a girl who was clearly nowhere near her teens if she was 17 yet.
“For some reason he then decided to tell me that I should have no serious mates until I was at least four years of age. It was at this point that he got closest and I got a real good smell of him.
“As a dog there was absolutely no mistaking what I could smell on him. It was a putridity that can only mean one thing: impending death. A scent of death that was masked only by an extortionately priced bottle of cologne that he was more than happy to tell me about and a smile manufactured by botox and bleach.
“Did I sniff him back? Yes, my canine instincts overtook me for just a moment but when I pulled away again he firmly gripped the side of my face and said ‘c’mon pooch!’ in a fashion meant to disarm and make you seem as though you’re overreacting,” yapped Billie.
Despite being caught on camera and microphone and there being a reliable witness corroborating what has been captured on film, CNN, BBC and The Guardian are choosing to cover allegations from Donald Trump’s childhood hamster that the president once groped the rodent.
Similarly, Twitter lunatics who are typically hyper-concerned about anything involving animal abuse or sexual assault by a man have been spending their time obsessing about a time Billie was taken on a walk on streets near a meeting of the Westboro Baptist Church and whether she actually hates gays.
Billie, however, is ignoring all the noise: “Biden brazenly said to me that his four greatest fetishes were sniffing stuff, fixing elections, bombing the Middle East and getting away with all of it.
“Thanks to the media, I think Biden will be getting himself off big time in the few months he has left until his deal with the devil expires.”
