Slavery reparations from Britain funded by reparations from Norway funded by reparations from Germany etc
The Worldwide Arbitrary Awarding of Reparations Council (WAARC) has, in the interests of logical fairness and consistency, ruled that British slavery reparations should be funded by reparations from Scandinavia for Viking occupations which can be funded by reparations from Germany for the Nazi occupation which should be funded by Italy for the Roman empire holding German slaves
Reporting by slavery and reparations correspondent Gibsme Datt
Britain has agreed to pay reparations to any black person that fancies a bit of free money for their role in the slave trade and for the damage caused by colonialism.
The “We’re sorry for what happened hundreds of years ago can we now please get on with our lives?” fund is worth £391 million and any person of colour can apply for their slice of it even if their family has not historically suffered from slavery.
This is because, as we all know, any affront to one person who isn’t white is an affront to all non-whites.
Even though all living white people should feel guilty for things that happened long before they even existed, their pockets will not be harmed in these attempts to make up for bad things other people — the majority of whom have no connections whatsoever to today’s populations — did.
This is because the WAARC have set a precedent by ruling that slavery reparations payments for Britain’s role in the slave trade can be sourced from other nations who have committed atrocities against the British in the past.
So this would mean that payments would be sourced from Norway and Denmark for Viking occupations in Britain.
This £391 million figure would in turn be sourced from Germany for their occupation of the Scandinavian countries during WWII. The Germans — while gleefully flagellating themselves for the Nazi regime — will then be turning towards Italy to take care of their demanded payment after German slaves were common in ancient Rome.
Italian authorities are scrambling to see who they can pass the bill to but are hesitant to go with Northern African countries previously engaged in the Barbary Slave Trade as they fear they’ll then bring up previous Italian occupation of the region in response.
Such countries also seem to be too brown, poor and nationalistic to be susecptible to the cultural shaming that works so well in making predominantly white Western countries engage in such self-destructive behaviour.
Levi Rockefeller, Chief Reparations Allocator of the WAARC, said: “We did think about just letting historical bygones be bygones but we reckon it’s much better that we exacerbate modern tensions between nations by dredging up the terrible things they did in the past.
“Yes it will result in normal people paying for the sins of their ancestors but it is the only possible way we could think of that appropriately ensures countries are reflecting on how terrible they have been in the past.
“Although countries in Africa and the Middle East have previously engaged in slavery and the practice still exists there today, we encourage white European countries to not pass the bill to them as that’s not really what we’re trying to achieve with the scheme.
“Of course, Israel will be entirely exempt from having to pay any reparation to any country. The home of the Jewish race are able to demand payment from any country, however.”
