Footballer says something interesting in post-match interview
In what is thought to be a world-first, a professional footballer has provided articulate in-depth insight into what they experienced on a philosophical and existential level during the match
Reporting by soccer correspondent Alan Le Tissier Kamara-Stelling
Norwich City midfielder Jeffrey Moranian has surprised the world’s sports media by delivering a series of incredibly eloquent philosophical reflections on his side’s 4–3 FA Cup comeback win against local rivals Ipswich Town.
The Scotsman’s responses took interviewer Geoff Shreeves by surprise who is accustomed to footballers providing pre-approved answers expressing their happiness/disappointment at performing well/poorly for the team or how happy/frustrated they are to get/not get three points.
“When the winner went in I felt not only the elation and despair of the 27,000 souls within Carrow Road but for the most fleeting of moments I had been connected to a shared experience beyond a mere football rivalry, I had tapped into a snippet of culture that has partly defined the relationship between two counties for 120 years,” elaborated Moranian.
Moranian scored the winner with a header in the 90th minute while also opening the scoring early on, a dramatic turn around for the 25-year-old who has struggled for form since making his move from Stirling Albion in the summer.
“My poor performances so far this year have forced me into a period of serious inner reflection where I contemplated my status as a man, father and professional footballer. Of course I am not the first or the last player to experience such feelings but at times my experience did feel completely singular.
“When I scored those two goals the relief was utterly exhilarating. All the mental struggles and doubt I had felt suddenly washed away and for the first time in my short East Anglian career I felt my £25 million transfer fee was justified,” said Moranian.
Some fellow professionals were not happy with Moranian’s candid comments with dullards like Harry Kane especially concerned that they will no longer be able to get away with speaking in cliches and pre-packaged statements approved by the powers that be.
Responding to the claims Moranian said: “I ask my fellow professionals to not be afraid of the truth. Many people have an image of post-match changing rooms being a bunch of loutish men pushing the boundaries of homo-eroticism.
“This couldn’t be further from the truth. More often that not me and my fellow Canaries will sit quietly, openly and honestly discussing how our performance would be analysed by Kierkegaard or Nietzsche while we sip a small brandy.
“On the surface Harry may seem like a halfwit with malformed jaws and an oversized tongue but in reality I’ve never seen anyone put together such a coherent commendation of stoicism and the philosophy’s many notable proponents.”
