Ipswich man staying alert dives out of way of big bit of coronavirus but gets hit by bus
37-year-old Kristian Kroppinger’s dedication to following government guidelines to stay alert cost him his life when an ill-timed dive out of the way of an ill-tempered bit of coronavirus sent him into the path of the number 92 bus to Manningtree
Reporting by coronavirus correspondent Phear Monguerra
Kristian Kroppinger was killed instantly when a bus travelling at 40mph hit him as he was diving out of the way of a large, angry piece of coronavirus.
Sadly his extensive personal protective equipment (PPE) provided no protection against the ten-tonne Stagecoach flying towards him.
The coronavirus in question has still not been located so Ipswich Borough Council are still encouraging locals to stay incredibly alert.
“Do not attempt to approach or apprehend the offending coronavirus if you see it in your area,” says council representative George Burley.
“We also recommend that if you take evasive action away from a virus you should check both directions of traffic to ensure there are no oncoming vehicles,” said Burley.
Kroppinger leaves behind wife Kamilla who paid tribute to her husband’s commitment to flattening the curve.
“I’ve never known anyone to be so committed to following government coronavirus guidelines. He was even in the process of getting a patent for a new device that would prevent anyone from coming within two metres of him,” says Kamilla.
“His bi-monthly trip to the shop was the only time he wasn’t staying home to protect the NHS and save lives. Each time he left we shared an embrace as though he was going off to war overseas — of course we always wore heavy-duty PPE.
“I’ve not been outside since lockdown began so I have no idea what horrors Kristian experienced out there. I always asked but he’d never share. I think it was his way of dealing with the trauma and protecting me from it.
“Little did I know that as I watched him leave that Sunday wearing his full-mask snorkel and with his protective suit rustling away in the wind, that would be the final time I’d see him alive.
“I always thought he’d die from contracting coronavirus, not by being eviscerated by the number 92.”
Kamilla says that she’ll be honouring her husband’s unwavering commitment to the guidelines as she deals with the fallout of his death.
“I’m going to have his remaining body parts immediately incinerated just in case he had contracted the virus and there will be no funeral or memorial to avoid a gathering of people.
“It’s what Kristian would have wanted.”
Following the release of his story, Kroppinger is also now in the running to win the “Most Dedicated Lockdown Busybody” award from the government alongside the newly-rabid Piers Morgan and a woman who reported her neighbour to the police for not clapping the NHS.
