Cockfield man suspicious the plan may not be to get back to normal after 171st national lockdown
The United Kingdom will enter its 171st national lockdown on January 27th 2075 and now 79-year-old Cartan Brandrews from Cockfield is suspicious that the British Government may actually not have any intention of allowing people to return to normal
Reporting by coronavirus correspondent Griss Whootty
One man from Cockfield in Suffolk has essentially admitted he is willing to put other people’s lives at risk by now being sceptical of the Government’s 171st lockdown to combat the 316th variant of coronavirus.
Brandrews was 24 when the first lockdown was implemented in Britain in 2020 and he has previously accepted mandatory mask mandates, travel restrictions, economic decimation, the introduction of biological vaccine passports embedded under your skin, blood sampling before going outside, only being allowed to reproduce if you had a negative test and shoving a cucumber up your arse to stop the spread yet he has now decided that he hates nurses and doesn’t want to protect the NHS anymore.
Even though there have been no official deaths of any cause recorded by the Government since 2069, it has been deemed necessary to remove the individual freedoms of young, healthy individuals and risk their future to ensure nothing ever happens to the very elderly, the morbidly obese and those with numerous underlying conditions.
As always, the restrictions are merely guided by the science.
For years Brandrews was incredibly scathing of those who would criticise Government restrictions of freedom on social media although his need to argue with the uneducated greatly reduced when it became compulsory to be vaccinated to use social media in 2029.
Brandrews would frequently be found commenting on Facebook that if we all just tolerate it for a little while longer we’ll be able to get back to normal quicker.
As we all know now many have simply been incapable of following the most basic of measures and their lack of staying alert has resulted in various counties ceding from England, the permanent closure of every pub in the remains of the nation, the banning of recreational team sport and the requirement for a special visa if you wish to travel more than 10 miles from your home.
People not following social distancing rules were also responsible for the eventual collapse of the United Kingdom with the newly-independent Wales, Scotland and Northern all rejoining the EU in 2046.
The Democratic Socialist Alliance of Trans and Non-Binary People of Colour — now in power since the 2031 general election where only the educated London elite were trusted to vote correctly — led England’s unsuccessful bid to rejoin the EU leaving us incredibly jealous of the former members of the UK.
Brandrews is now considering seeking asylum in the Democratic Republic of Herefordshire, a hellhole not officially recognised by the United Counties of England where shaking hands and hugging family is still shockingly commonplace.
“I am now beginning to understand that the people I would previously abuse online and accuse of having no empathy for other people simply had a lower tolerance for how much of their freedom they were willing to give up,” ranted Brandrews.
“I have spent pretty much my entire adult life adhering to restriction after restriction and we’ve still not got back to normal. I know similar things have happened in America, across Europe and other parts of Western civilization.
“I am seriously now starting to think that governments don’t have our best interests at heart.”
We approached the Democratic Socialist Alliance of Trans and Non-Binary People of Colour with Brandrews’ comments and Chief Medical Officer Aerial-Sprite Benjerry (va/vem) responded: “If we don’t care about our citizens then why are we doing what we’re doing?
“Would we really expand the reach of the state into every element of people’s private lives just because we crave a perception of power over people and want them to be reduced to pliable meat puppets buying stuff from Amazon?
“If you really believe that then you are clearly a conspiracy theorist and a threat to the state requiring attendance at one of our extensive re-education camps,” calmly explained Benjerry.
Va went on to add that a poll about the latest lockdown — verified by the Democratic Socialist Alliance of Trans and Non-Binary People of Colour’s Bureau of Statistical Integrity — found that 99.1% of the population supported further restrictions.
“If that doesn’t prove that ours and the media’s strategy of calling dissenting voices racist, uneducated, backward and bigoted does actually persuade people to our way of thinking then I don’t know what will,” said Benjerry.
