British woman calms down after being informed that Trump’s actions don’t actually affect her
A Swanage woman who’s never lived in America, been to America or been within 200 miles of President Trump has now calmed down after someone pointed out that neither his policies or his Tweets affect her whatsoever
After taking to Twitter to launch a profanity-filled tirade where she filmed herself throwing a milkshake over her orange spaniel, Margerin Barbot, a teacher from the Dorset town, has calmed down and said that she’s now seeking treatment for Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS).
In the DSM-5 — a compilation of mental disorders used by therapists to diagnose conditions — TDS is defined as “irrational reactions to President Trump’s statements and political actions with little regard to Trump’s actual position or actions taken”.
Trump’s latest visit to the UK — which was mainly to honour those who served in the D-Day landings — has been protested excessively by brave leftists. Similar visits by representatives of China, UAE, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and China again occurred without significant outrage.
At the time of her tirade Barbot was volunteering online for Hope Not Hate, an activist group who hope you will stop hating stuff all the time.
“Words cannot express how much I hate Trump,” said Barbot as she used her 280-character limit on Twitter to demonstrate her feelings.
“How dare #BabyHandsCunt come to my country and say things about how we might improve the #Brexit shitscape,” she added.
This was followed by a number of hard-hitting tweets featuring keywords and phrases such as “impeach”, “Drumpf”, “Muslim ban”, “#PussyGrabberInChief”, “release the full report” and “#NotMyPresident”.
Her Twitter feed then went quiet for around an hour — presumably the time it took her to drive to the nearest McDonalds on the edge of Poole — before she then posted a picture of her holding a large strawberry milkshake.
It was upon Barbot’s return home — and now at the height of her TDS episode — that she doused her three-year-old spaniel Ronald with the milkshake. Barbot livestreamed the whole dousing on Instagram but the RSPCA have asked us not to share the footage.
With its orange body and blonde head the dog does look strikingly similar to the President but calling him the “Cheeto Fuhrer” and “Orange Manatee” while emptying the beverage on his head was a little too far, regardless of how accurate those insults are for Trump.
Most people on social media agreed that milkshaking is a legitimate form of protest and that it’s easy to be triggered by things that look like Trump: one TDS sufferer on Twitter said an episode had been started by a multi-coloured orange and pineapple flavoured ice lolly.
It took a surprising revelation from one Twitter user, however, to end Barbot’s outbursts.
ReasonableHuman1488 — likely an alt-right hate figure — tweeted: “Ur from a small town on the Dorset coast, I don’t think what @realDonaldTrump does affects your day-to-day life or politics in the South West. Might be wrong.”
Barbot deleted all of her accounts minutes after seeing that tweet and put out a public apology via a notice at the local Tesco which said: “It came as quite a shock but after leaving the cultist wizardry of social media I have come to realise that people who like Trump or Brexit aren’t actually all fascists. I never even conceived that to be a possibility and a lot of what they say is pretty sensible. It’s going to be a long road but I’m now in treatment for TDS. Sorry to my dog as well!”
Nobody in Swanage was aware of what had happened at all and her life in the real world has been oddly unaffected. We’ve passed on all the details we have to various terror watch groups in the hope that her behaviour online can result in maybe a sacking or a disavowing.
Twitter remains on the hunt for an official apology — perhaps in the form of a 40-minute video — to complete their latest virtual Satanic blood magic ritual sacrifice.
