The Amazing Cuddlefish.

Despite their name, cuttlefish aren’t fish. But unlike almost all fish, a cuttlefish can cuddle.

(I’m really not sure who’s in charge of naming these things.)

Still, this isn’t as egregious as the OctoKitten, so I think we can let the naming issues slide and focus on the amazingness that is the cuttlefish.

What is a cuttlefish, you ask? We’ll let Ze Frank explain some of the basics.

“How the cuttlefish determines the background it blends into is largely a mystery, because it can do it in complete darkness, which is kind of a dumb gift, if you ask me, but still amazing” — Ze Frank

The video is more than worth the watch (it is seriously hilarious) so I’ll just assume you’ve got the basics down and move into some specifics!

You saw that little psychedelic color changing effect? The really pretty one that couldn’t possibly be used as a weapon?

Meet the Broadclub Cuttlefish

They’re big, they’re mean, and they do this:

“Here we see one screwing with a crab’s tiny brain before ruining it’s day by eating it.”

If something did that in a sci-fi movie most people would probably say ‘okay, that’s just absurd’, right?

What creature thinks ‘You know what, that little guy just won’t keep properly still, I’ll turn into an animated billboard, that’ll have to work?’ (I’m thinking there was actually some trial and error involved here)

It works, too. It’s basically a ‘stay there a second while I decide how to eat you’ button. Arthropods just have no idea how to process that weirdness. Heck, I’m struggling with it and I’m a mammal!

It’s like a tiger turned into a 90 inch plasma display sauntered up in front of you playing your favorite show, and then gobbled you up.

Thank you, nature. Thank you very much.

Meanwhile, remember these adorable little psychedelic heffalumps Ze showed us?

(You did watch the video, didn’t you? Ze Frank is amazing)

They can walk around that in public because they’re basically the only poisonous cuttlefish in the biz. That means they won’t murder you like their similarly tiny blue-ringed octopus relative, you just can’t eat them without dying and such.

I’m fine with that. My first thought wasn’t ‘ooh, candy!’

Of course, since they’re part of nature, cuttlefish can’t always be cute.

“Such a shame. With a little more time, once you finished your secret, supervillain lair, that Christmas tree could have made for a great minion.”
-Directly quoted(!!?!) from ‘JAWS:Cuttlefish’ on Real Monstrosities.
(One of the best kept secrets on the web!)

The video’s over there and it’s far better than the little animated .gif above, too. The diver’s reaction is priceless.

And yes, I know, I hated to see the little octopus go like that too. He obviously had a great future ahead of him as an evil mastermind of some sort.

But maybe the cuttlefish just wanted it’s own minion?

You can’t have too many minions, right?