#LikeFatherLikeSon: Spiritual Leadership & Direction
Until 2008, I was either a Catholic or a member of the Grail Message. The confusion was with my spiritual identity.
Spiritual leadership, as odd and uninteresting it may seem, is a critical part of every child’s life. When it comes to raising children, parents neglect this part of the relationship with the child. They are concentrated on their academics, physical and social growth but their spiritual growth becomes an afterthought. At a very young age, I already knew that there’s more to this life than just this earth. I’ve had dreams and seen things that were very strange. It was locked up within me and I couldn’t find help. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and I had my doubt, from doubt to fear and from fear to disbelief. I needed a spiritual guide. Someone, who could at least give answers to my burning soul.
So, this week, I’m a Catholic and next, I’m a Grail Message member. At a time, I decided it’s over for me. I’m done because the confusion and conflicting ideas are enormous for me to bear as a teen. I rejected my mother’s creed and left Ad-Dru-Shin to himself but not until I’ve read every of its piece I could lay my hands on.
Unfortunately, none of them could get me to become a complete member or provided answers to my questions. I wasn’t confirmed as a Catholic (one of the most revered privileges of being a catholic faithful) neither was I initiated, as some people would call it, into the Grail Message. I was a lost teen. My soul wandered, really. That identity followed me to the higher institution, but as expected, my soul panted for new knowledge and experience.
In January 2008, the journey to an entirely new life began as introduced to me by my roommate. By April 2008, I was crying and kneeling before God at Christian Students Congress, Gboko, Benue State, led by Brother Gbile Akanni. I was led to the identity of Christ and a new journey began for me.
All these years, something was crucial and very clear; the absence of spiritual leadership and guidance from my parents. As my soul wandered into the dark and deep; back and forth, I was left with no option than to resolve this conflict myself. It could have gone awry but God’s plan and his intentions were different.
I remember been scouted for, to join a cult group in school. Two of them approached me and my decline wasn’t because I am a Christian or Muslim. I could sincerely say that my NO was born out of my nature to be calm and good. Such deceit I had as no man is really good by himself. There was no background for my answer. Today, I can say it came out easy because the battle was more of the mind than mere excitement through violence. I was not a sociable person, so my escape and my worst enemy was my mind; it needed to be free from its chaos.
“The most challenging of all resistance comes from within. The similarity with all warriors is that they’re always battling demons within themselves. It’s a constant battle that has to be fought non-stop.” —
Tim Kennedy
When I gave my life to Christ, and the last offer came, I emphatically affirmed my resolve and maintained my position. This time, Christ was the foundation.
The neglect of spiritual leadership in our homes has caused a great deal to the young boys and girls. We leave everything to assumption, because you go to church, therefore they will follow the ways of your church. Assumptions are costly. Just because they go to church with you does not mean they know the ways of Lord like you do (if you do). Just because you bought them the Bible does not mean they read it and if they do, doesn’t they understand. Just because they murmur prayers during the morning devotion, you assume they know how to pray. They have questions seeking for answers and they need you to listen to them, hear them talk and teach the right path.
So where do you as a parent or would-be parent start?
Start with God
Everything really begins with Him. Families were his idea, and it’s a beautiful design, despite the many challenges. He has designated the home as the greatest, most important “arena” for the discipleship for the child. Youth groups and camps are key supplementary resources in their spiritual growth but they should not be relied upon as the main source of spiritual formation for your kids. They should complement the primary platform for spiritual nurturing of the children: the HOME, under the leadership of a godly parents. This leadership should be provided by the father and supported by the mother but the fathers should lead.
Ultimately, God is the One who brings transformation in a child’s heart — or in any heart, for that matter. He is the only One who can work in the areas of soul and spirit.
The very first step towards spiritual leadership in homes is prayer; teach them to pray and pray for them. It’s funny how we want to make this prayer in the secret (which is OK) but often times, you need to call them all out and offer prayers for them one after the other. There’s an unending joy a child has when he remembers the words of her father or mother. It connects to his soul. If you pray for them and with them, they will pray for you too. They learn by what you do.
Lift up your children (and your decisions as a parent) often to God’s “throne of grace…so that [you] may receive mercy and find grace to help… in [your] time of need” (Hebrews 4: 16).
Parents naturally love their children. Children spell “love” this way: T-I-M-E. Spend time with your children. This is increasingly difficult in a society filled with incredible busyness and continual distractions. Intentional time together is a key that unlocks the heart of a child. A child senses whether he or she merits priority in the parent’s life. This does not mean that you have to live under the pressure of being the “perfect” parent who makes it to every single event and meets every expectation of your child. But establish a pattern of spending time with your child as a priority and be dedicated to it. When spending time together is the norm, your child will understand when occasionally you must meet an obligation for work or for some other reason you cannot be present. Talk often about how much you love being together and how important time spent together is to you. You unlock their hearts to you. They will be confident to open up to you, ask questions that trouble their hearts and the connections deepens.
I missed this opportunity as a child, my children won’t miss it from me as their father.
The goal of spiritual formation in children is to reach their hearts. If they are impacted at the heart level, and not just trained for “behavior modification,” they will be changed from the inside-out.
“Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6
This is a sermon about children, but it is not a message to children. It is a message to parents about their children.
Today, society is bleeding and only a matter of time, we tap out. The decline in family values is as a result of irresponsible parenting and such has filtered into the heart of the younger generation. They watch and see for themselves, how we interpret actions and our reactions to family core values. We desecrate norms and abuse ethics while expressing an illusion called freedom. Such irresponsible actions have created a huge ripple effect in the society and at the top of this is the man; who is supposed to lead and guide.
Over the years, generation to generations, norms, and value has been passed down but today, I question what is it that this age has to pass on to their children. If we must get it right again, we need to get it right in our homes.
Lead, men!
