Scenes From The Financial Future
There are tough times after the second great beanie baby bust, but the men are tougher.
Given to their habit of throwing money at every problem, American citizens try to buy off a massive hurricane threatening the Eastern Seaboard. They are not successful.
In the decade following their disastrous “investment” in the hurricane, the American people begin to unanimously put less emphasis on money and material goods. During this time, known as “The Great Restraint,” banking comes to a standstill and a humble economy of bartering permeates American culture. Even the act of purchasing political influence is transformed.
After a few generations of widely accepted abuse, casual prescription drug use loses any stigma. Pills become a solid dependable currency that has intrinsic value. It is seen as a logical solution for those who crave a bartering economy, those who crave an organized economic system, and especially those who crave their next fix.
A digital banking system develops and is soon taken worldwide under the name Globobank Trust. People feel once again secure in their ability to keep their money electronically. Of course, a new generation of digital pickpockets emerge along with it.
After thousands of years of premature claims that the Earth has become overpopulated, it actually happens.
Average people can’t go to space yet, but they’ll throw their money into it. Space real estate companies sell emptiness by the cube foot to earthlings desperate to invest and potentially escape their gross, overpopulated home planet.
Warren Buffett comes back from the dead and his exasperated ghost appears on his own YouTube channel to make a series of videos called “Warren’s Warnings.” In them, he criticizes widespread, short-sighted investing and the banks who have encouraged it. “There’s no way to own raw area in space, you idiots!” he says. Though he has taken a taxing journey through the nether plane, Buffett’s warning goes unheeded. Money continues to flow into the banks.
The new Globobank Trust operates with zero oversight and little regulation for hundreds of years, culminating in the famous “Bankers Zeppelin Collapse” and subsequent explosion. Perhaps in a fit of collective hubris, Globobank executives commission a great zeppelin in the fashion of the Hindenburg, while being several magnitudes larger. Unfortunately their flying fortress was likewise filled with highly flammable hydrogen. The world’s bank literally went down in flames on the date of April 14th, 3005. The crash came as the result of a collision with an unregistered drone.