It’s Just Sex Tech: Bringing the Conversation Out From Under the Covers
Dating, sex, and sexual health experts share insights about what it will take for the sex-tech industry to go mainstream.
By Leslie Casimir
There’s high tech, low tech, and then there’s sex tech, that naughty world often talked about in hushed tones. Smart devices and artificial intelligence are impacting bedroom behavior in new ways, whether it’s having sex with robots or going on virtual dates as avatars before meeting in person. But, while millions are comfortable meeting potential partners via the swipe of a finger, there are still plenty of challenges to overcome before other aspects of the industry can go mainstream.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, General Assembly hosted a panel of dating, sex, and sexual health experts at The Hoxton, Shoreditch, in London for a lively discussion about the future of sex and dating in the digital world.
Here are the speakers’ insights about today’s intersection of sex and technology, and their hopes, concerns, and predictions for the future.
Sex in the tech world should not be taboo.
When it comes to the pursuit of sexual pleasure, Stephanie Alys, co-founder and chief pleasure officer of MysteryVibe, a British lifestyle brand that sells pleasure products, wants society to develop a more positive dialogue.
“Amazon is now the biggest seller of sex toys worldwide, so it’s started but it’s not quite there,” Alys said. “The separation of sex tech and tech, more broadly, is a real issue that can only be solved if we start to see sex as more of a mainstream thing.”
For Jamie Morton, founder and host of the widely popular podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno, that means approaching the topic with frank discussion and a sense of humor. His comedic conversation style has attracted guests from friends to celebrities like Lord of the Rings star Elijah Wood and Star Wars’ Daisy Ridley. He and his cohorts talk about breasts or dildos or anything else that comes to mind.
“It shows that if you have a product that is accessible enough, you can actually break down all the barriers and talk about sex,” Morton said. “That’s what’s been really interesting about my podcast. It’s really opening a dialogue. It makes it safe.”
When it comes to meaningful relationships, tech can be a challenge and a solution.
Despite the wide use of dating apps, more people are seeking connections richer and more meaningful than fleeting hookups. “I find that millennials, younger millennials, are actually really conservative and they want to just have a committed relationship,” said Nichi Hodgson, the London-based journalist and former dominatrix who moderated the talk. “Plus, there’s the anxiety about STIs [sexually transmitted infections] and all this other stuff that’s going on with people. It feels like tech could be the solution.”
On the other hand, sexual health advocate David Stuart said technology is among the biggest challenges for the gay community, though he does think there’s room to learn to use apps as tools. “There are changing concepts of sexual identity and sexual liberty, and the role technology is playing in it is overwhelming my community,” he said. “It’s changing concepts of monogamy, intimacy, and our ability to communicate our sexual and emotional needs via an emoticon.”
Sex education needs to keep up with the rapidly changing tech environment.
In a time when many feel that proper attention isn’t given to sex education, a big question lies in whether companies in the sex-tech space should step up to provide users with education and awareness.
Panelists pointed to the popular pornography site Pornhub as a possible step in the right direction, as it just launched a new sexual health education site. “Apparently there’s going to be a psychosexual element to it — so talking about sexual wellbeing not just the avoidance of sexually transmitted infections,” said Stuart, who manages ChemSex Support — a service that addresses the combination of drug use and sex among gay men — at 56 Dean Street, a free sexual health clinic in London. “I’m sure they’ll get it dreadfully wrong and they’ll probably have the wrongest person in the world doing it, but that they’re trying it is a start.”
Starting a business in the sex-tech industry needs to be easier.
Social media platforms are more conservative than some may think, barring certain content and language from being used, while other companies avoid doing business with sex tech altogether. “We can’t have our handle on Instagram,” said Morton. “So it’s @mydadwrotea.”
And Alys said that when it comes to finding financial backers, launching a sex-tech company can be downright difficult. “Normal routes for technology startups, in terms of funding, are closed to you,” she said. “It’s very difficult to find providers to work with. For example, many sex-tech companies or companies in the adult education or adult entertainment space can’t use payment providers, or MailChimp will refuse to work with them. It makes it a hundred times harder to start a business in this industry.”
Relationship-seekers will choose matchmaking services over dating apps.
As a former Silicon Valley matchmaker, Hodgson says relationship seekers want more out of dating apps — a dating concierge or personal training, if you will, to get someone’s dating life into flawless shape. People want more introspective skills, they want to learn more about themselves, how to navigate their apps and how to be more successful at finding their soulmate, she said.
“Most people know that you go on Tinder and the chance of actually finding somebody that you want to be with for any period of time is actually quite low,” Hodgson said. “So those kind of fast apps are going to fall out of fashion — apart from for sex. And the only thing that’s coming in now is matchmaking. That again is a very old-fashioned thing, it’s always existed throughout history, but there are lots of modern matchmaking organizations now.”
Pheromone matching, or smelling someone’s body odor for chemistry, is on the rise, Hodgson pointed out. “You can say, “Oh, we might have stuff in common, I find you physically attractive in the picture — and you meet in the flesh and it’s just not there,” she said. “Apparently pheromone testing is the answer to that.”
With optimistic thinkers engaged in thought-provoking discourse, the future of the sex-tech industry will continue to evolve — but there’s still much work to be done before it can lose its stigma and go mainstream.
Leslie Casimir is a San Francisco–based mom and journalist. She has worked for U.S. newspapers including the New York Daily News, the Miami Herald, and the Houston Chronicle.
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