New Law Gives Businesses Option to Refuse Service to Politicians

The voters of Indiana have proposed a new law to Governor Mike Pence that seeks to give business owners the option to refuse service to politicians, on the grounds of free speech, freedom to deny service, and general spite.

The bill, known as the Politician-Repelling Restoration Act (PRRA), follows that should a business owner feel that a politician is being “dickish, sluggish, hateful, brutish, or simply stupid,” business owners have the right to refuse them service.

“If I, as a florist, don’t want to sell a politician flowers for his wedding because he’s a bigoted prick, I think I should have the right to do that, as well,” said Ava Wingley, owner of Roses and Daisies, a florist in downtown Indianapolis.

Pence, who previously expressed his support for a slightly different bill, unfortunately couldn’t be reached for comment. He was, however, seen yelling wildly as he was escorted out of a local doughnut shop by security after he was refused service.