Student of Life

If you’ve followed my writing or heard me speak, you would know that I am a strong advocate for the assertion that lessons in life are not taught, but are, rather, learnt. That is, lessons can be found in any experience or object and can be delivered from anything or anyone, but only on the imperative grounds that one is aware of and open to the lesson which is being taught.

From this assertion, we can take that every moment of existence, and everything that make up these moments, have a unique and underlying message for us. The collective sequence of these moments, of our experiences, are together-known as the thing we often refer to as ‘life’, thus, life is an incredible synthesis of teachings, and we are simply it’s humble students.

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”

— Socrates

Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to experience life’s wonderful lessons in a way I’ve never before, through what would seem the most unlikely of teachers.

Last week, my wife and I adopted a greyhound, an ex-racer who has only known the kennel life, an incredibly gentle, not-so-little, curious young fella.

In such a short span of time, we’ve taught him just as many lessons as he has us.

Initially, when you bring a pet into your life, you would usually do so with a generalised, preconceived notion of what role they are going to play — i.e. that of a ‘domestic’ animal.

What we may or may not realise is that this in itself is an expectation we have on the animal to act and behave contrary to what is, to it, innate and instinctual; it is behaviour which needs to be trained and conditioned into the animal.

I drew parallels from this and our own social and civilised conditioning, the old adage of trying to ‘push a square peg through a round hole’, and at the core, these examples are really no different.

I’ll use toilet training to provide a specific example of such an expectation.

As humans, though I cannot speak for all of our kind, we do not simply do our business anywhere and everywhere, whenever nature calls. We have specific places where it is acceptable for us to do our business, in a timely manner (for the most part), and we expect the same for our pets.

Of course, on the surface, this makes sense. We don’t want our homes to be littered with excrement for obvious reasons, so we take the necessary precautions to ensure that this doesn’t happen. We create a routine for the animal so they know when it is ‘toilet time’, we positively-reinforce the animal when they do their business in their designated areas, we let the animal out and give them the opportunity to empty their bladder and bowel before bed to reduce the likelihood of them going throughout the night, etc…

Some nights, we found ourselves standing out in the cold, willing our boy to do his thing, and he would simply respond by nestling-up for a pat or a rub. We’d get a little frustrated that he wouldn’t pee or poop on demand; “we’re trying to go to sleep, how dare he prolong this exercise,” right?

Then, even before we are able to get to the end of this feeling of frustration, we realise how ridiculous this expectation is. Sure, you can do your best to train an animal to behave in a domestic manner, but the same way we’re still emotional and intellectual beings no matter how much social conditioning we’re subjected to, they are still, at the end of the day, animals; i.e. are you able to piss and shit on command?

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”

— Lao Tzu

Nature operates on its own schedule and does not conform to any man-made construct or conception, time included.

Another powerful lesson I learned was from, paradoxically, the situations where I was playing the role of the teacher — an ode to a discipline that is dear to my heart, from Zen Buddhist the maxim where “the student becomes the master.”

To teach an animal anything, you cannot simply command them to do so. Just as you cannot tell them to pee and poop on command, nor can you simply tell them to sit, to wait, to walk, to stop, to look, that this is good, that that is bad, etc. By just this approach, you will have just as much success with a tree or a brick wall.

They are not creatures capable of complex intellection, thus do not understand the way that humans communicate with each other the way that we do, and do not understand the language that we use in order to communicate, so it would be silly of us to assume this of them.

You must use queues and signals which they may be able to relate to certain actions, on a consistent and repetitive basis, such as the use of tone, the use of volume, positive or negative reinforcement, etc…, to allow them to make the association between command and action.

This allowed me to think about communication from a general sense, and most intriguing to me, the way that humans communicate with each other and the generic, unconscious assumptions which go along with this day-to-day activity.

With a dog, in theory, it can be relatively simple — i.e. you embed behaviours through trial, error, and repetition. Of course, you must factor in all instinctual traits and tendencies of the specific breed, the environment(s) it has been exposed to, etc., but the approach can be adapted around these factors.

With humans, there is the added layer of the infinitely-complex intellectual mind. Not only do you have human nature as the foundational consideration, but veiling this are the countless nuances and intricate distinctions in every single unique human being that make them who they are, how their world is perceived through their subjective lens, and subsequently, how they react and respond as a result of this convoluted web of individuality.

When we engage and interact with other humans, more often than not, we enter with preconceptions and assumptions, and on a general level, especially within modern society today, we can say that we have a universal or collective understanding on many things; e.g. money is something which is valuable.

And this approach to communication would seem to be fine if all of your interactions are solely follow such global beliefs. This would mean that we would never have or express any unique thoughts or beliefs of our own, which obviously isn’t possible, no matter how staunchly ‘by the book’ one claims to be, there will always be at least a tinge of personality which paints one’s actions, albeit unconsciously (unless we’re talking about robots).

“No two people see the world exactly alike, and different temperaments will often apply the same principle, recognised by both, differently. Even one and the same person won’t always maintain the same views and judgements: earlier convictions must give way to later ones.”

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The same sentence can be said one way and understood another way. Words may mean different things to different people. Going into inter-human interactions with preconceived ideas and assumptions is akin to expecting someone to have seen a movie by simply describing it to them.

These interactions may be less stark and apparent than this but are regardless present to some degree and extent in every single human interaction.

In order to be authentic and expressive of your thoughts, beliefs, principles, values, engagements must be entered into with this understanding, with respect that everyone is different and with an openness and acceptance that your views may not necessarily always align.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

— Aristotle

Where we always agree with everything everyone says, then we never be expressing our own unique truths.

Where we constantly disagree or are dumbfounded by the views and actions of others, then we are looking at the world through an extremely narrow lens, and close ourselves to the opportunity of infinite expansion and growth.

Openness is not a sign of weakness, and acceptance is not indicative of submission; rather, they are powerful enablers for truly deep connections, with everything, everyone, and most importantly, with yourself.

Originally published at https://www.findingspace.co on September 12, 2019.