My Son’s Engagement

Patti McNeil
Jun 15 · 3 min read

My son, Aaron Jay Ledesma, was a needy baby. He slept on my chest at night for 9 months because he had ear infections. He was that toddler who never left my side. He was that boy who would tell me everything about his day until I asked him to stop talking for a little bit. He’s that son who always worried when I was sick or hurt. Always by my side. I know he will be that son who cares for me when I’m elderly and our roles reverse.

I am Catholic. I love the Catholic church and I respect all her teachings, because I understand the beauty in those teachings. I would never be so arrogant as to suggest some of the teachings are wrong. When you understand the teachings and the beauty in them, you can’t. So I want to be clear on that before I continue.

Aaron Jay Ledesma + his fiancé Tim!

My son just got engaged to his boyfriend of four years. I am so happy for him. I am happy that he has found one person with whom he wants to share his life.

I am happy he’s always been in a monogamous relationship and that he places value on commitment and family. I will share the good news with people I know and I will attend his wedding.

I struggled for a while. Not with Aaron being gay, but when he started dating. I worried. Am I sinning by supporting a relationship, an engagement, a wedding, and then an adoption? Should I even go to his wedding and if I do, do I make that public and share with people?

I have many friends who are Catholic priests. I have also spoken to priests at other parishes around the country when we travel. I’ve talked about this with them and moral theologians. They all tell me the same thing.

“You need to be there for your son so he knows you love him unconditionally. You are not sinning by being happy that your son is happy. You would hurt him by NOT being there.”

I receive many messages from from moms who are Catholic and have an LGBT+ child. We all share the same struggles. We worry about the same things and we carry the same guilt. I share this with all of you so you know I am not flippantly boasting that my son is engaged to a man.

I am humbly sharing with you that I love my son, I’m proud of him and I’m so happy for him. I’m happy he has found one person with whom he can grow old in love and friendship.

As he never left my side as a child, I will never leave his.


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The Gay Catholic

A cradle Catholic seeks to understand his God + faith as an openly gay man. If you’re struggling with your faith + sexuality or just want to talk, please email me at: aaron.thegaycatholic@gmail.com

Patti McNeil

Written by

Catholic wife & mother. I’m passionate about my faith, my family, my students and matters of equality.

The Gay Catholic

A cradle Catholic seeks to understand his God + faith as an openly gay man. If you’re struggling with your faith + sexuality or just want to talk, please email me at: aaron.thegaycatholic@gmail.com