My Star Sign is Lighthouse
Why others may applaud you, while you feel insecure.
It’s not for nothing a lighthouse adorns this blog.
Over and over in my life have dreams made huge differences. They have changed perspectives, announced future scopes and possibilities, showed essences and even have healed me better than therapy. One essential essential life lesson, is one I often relate to others, as it’s something that’s hard to get and accept: you’ll rarely enjoy your gift as others do.
The Light House Dream
This happened years ago. I dream I am led into a light house. Just before I enter a woman’s voice tells me, this is my star sign: Lighthouse. What? I enter the building and feel enclosed at the bottom of the tower. From within I climb the stairs and see the light is on, but to keep it working I have to somehow hang around downstairs. I don’t get this, but the voice explains me gently what the meaning of the star sign is. As a lighthouse I guide others. I send out a light, a guiding beacon in difficult times. And for me to be that light for others I have to keep my light burning. It’s not about getting things done, not about achievements. It’s about being there and shine. At the bottom of the stairs inside the light house that feels both beautiful (How cool is that? Having your own unique star sign) and kind of empty. Where’s the fun in keeping the light shining and not being out there at sea?
It took some years for the deeper lesson to sink in: I just have to be me.
Note: perhaps interesting to compare this story with my own history.
The Lesson: Your gift is for others to enjoy.
Millions would love to feel like a star. The irony being: many stars don’t feel like one either. You live your life from within. The outcomes, of what you struggle with, are foremost only for others to enjoy. Singers with an awful personal life transform their own pain into healing music for others. The audience of a genius piano player hears brilliant music. The brilliant player himself hears what more could have been possible, or played better. Artists mostly can’t enjoy their best work as you can. It often feels crazy to them, to hear it’s ‘magic’, ‘genius’ or ‘brilliant’ what they do. They hear their own struggle too much in their work. And however much you enjoy the outcomes of their struggle, it doesn’t solve their struggle within for themselves.
So, whether the dream was true or not, I am a light house. As a light house I am in my own body keeping the light burning and hanging around being there. That’s what a light house does. It shines. It’s up to the ships at sea, to steer by it. I can’t enjoy my own light as the crew of these ships do. I may always feel I am doing too little, getting nowhere and that is just being what it means to be a lighthouse. I just need to shine.
What does this mean for you?
Same with what you struggle with. Others may praise you for things you feel not worth the praise. Yet, believe me, believe them! The way you honestly share your struggle or pain may be very insightful or comforting for others. The way you keep pushing forward may be perceived as heroic, inspirational, all the while you may feel you haven’t achieved your goals yet. You may be a listener. You may feel like you haven’t helped at all, yet others praise you being there for them. You may feel you do so little and wonder why others say it means soo much to them. That’s because you look at the struggle, and from within that struggle. They look at what they got out of it. That’s how you know your gift works. So when people thank you, gracefully accept and struggle on.
We can only accept and trust that our deepest gift is shown in what others others perceive as what they receive, grow, see because of it.
This strange situation cannot be overcome, it can only be professionally accepted and taken. Rather than crying about it, we can take our struggle as calm professionals. The pain cannot be solved, we can only trust that others will benefit from it, by keeping on working on it. And when they express joy, we should gracefully accept it, for that is the reward for you being the gift you are.
NOTE: When you are bullied or people deny you have a gift or talent, don’t you ever believe it. They may be jealous. They may feel threatened. They may feel you are beyond their understanding. Your parents may wish your gift was better suited for a well paying job, or lack the gift to see how it could be. The struggle to find your gift may take years. You may have to find your audience. You may have to seek long before you find, to find that the seeking was the gift. You may discover having been bullied has become the gift and that you know how to help others deal with the pain. We all become experts at what we struggle(d) with. ;)
Comment of the Sage: “Of course you can’t enjoy your gift. You give it away. That’s the whole point.”
Comment of the Fool: “I love giving. It’s only others don’t seem to like my brilliant poems and tricks. They consider my genius silly.”
Comment of the Sage: “Your gift isn’t what you consciously give, or think it to be. Haven’t you been listening. It’s what others perceive it is.”
Comment of the Fool: “Darn it. You mean them laughing about me is my gift!? Can I please have another one?”
