Boring
It’s safer to fade into the background.
When someone asks me to tell them something about myself, I freeze.
I’m a boring person.
I’m not smart or interesting.
I want to be.
But I’m not.
My life revolves around getting up, surviving in a body that is in constant pain, second-guessing every decision I make, and waiting until I can sleep again.
I’m not hot, or cute, or sexy.
I’m passably pretty, on a good day.
But most days I look dull.
It’s safer to fade into the background.
You don’t get bullied if you don’t get noticed.
I’m scared of everything.
I’m loud, gobby, and obnoxious because it keeps people at arm's length.
I’m a people pleaser because if you make people happy, they let you stick around.
And if you’re lucky, they won’t hurt you just for fun.
My feelings don’t matter, as long as I’m wanted.
Even if I don’t like the person who wants me.
Or the person I become in trying to be wanted.
I should be grateful that I’m lucky enough for someone to want me.
I’m fat and that makes me ugly.
I’m stupid and lackluster.
Grey like dust.
A thing with no dimensions or light.
That I’ve somehow tricked people into liking any version of me is a fucking miracle.
But I’m terrified that they will all discover how pathetic I am.
Hello beautiful people. I’m not good at this self-promotion, but claps and shares are massively appreciated. Maybe read some of my other bits, or come by Twitter or Bluesky and say hi?
https://x.com/suzu1982?t=tpdMVchMT8mb21guTnwZhQ&s=09
https://bsky.app/profile/suzu1982.bsky.social
Love you all. Kissing your faces 😘💜
