#MaryToo: How the Church did the Virgin Mary dirty
Blessed is she among women. Mary has always been the standard for her chastity and duty as the bearer of arguably the biggest spiritual and political leader in human history. However, in spite of her blessedness carved in statues and recited in novenas, she was just like all of us in the beginning: a young woman manipulated into the horrors of patriarchy.
Her halo, glowing behind her humble head, testifies that only the submissive, untouched, and godly are rewarded.
Had a choice, gave a yes
The name Mary originated from Egyptian language, meaning ”beloved”. Her righteous and chaste upbringing through her parents, Anne and Joachim, made her the Father’s beloved and chosen one to birth his Son. But to lay the salvation of humankind to a girl not “more than 12 years of age and almost certainly not more than 14” (Sisters At The Well, p. 48) is like ripping off one’s childhood and forcing her to grow up fast. True, she was free to accept or reject conception of the child, how would a minor react to an extraterrestrial being, as shown in a passage in Luke, claiming to represent powers beyond the physical world and standing with expectancy?
“Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid.” — Luke 1:29–30
Mary was afraid — she’d just gotten her period yet here she is with an unplanned pregnancy in a society where conception outside wedlock summates to your death. We go after minors because we can easily control them. Of course, she had to say yes; or else the Church wouldn’t have grounds against abortion.
Should this have happened today, could this occurrence, over a minor, be some sort of manipulation? The religious may never know.
Not a single complain Biblically comes out of her
Frankly, the Bible only has four accounts of her utterances, three of them directed to the Lord. For a text mostly written by men and practiced by men, it is unambiguous that we barely hear from her. But to be a mother of young age is a strife alone, to witness your young son’s death is another. Mary saw her own child’s torture and public humiliation — one could just imagine the mental and emotional damage it holds.
“Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.” — John 19:25–27
Other than living under her son’s friends’ care, there are no accounts in the Bible narrating how she copes with the events surrounding her loss. Her subtle mourns under her dark scapular are the tip of the iceberg of her trauma as a mother. Yes, she’s strong, but this mustn’t romanticize the fact that she was made to suffer this much to satisfy a masculine entity (in other news, God’s masculinity has also been under scrutiny). The only other time we hear her speak up is in the book of Luke 2:48, where she found herself “anxious[ly] searching” for her son when he was left in the temple after Passover.
If only we let her speak up, she could leave us with the unimaginable. And that’s why society prefers to keep women’s mouths shut, as every utterance they give leaves a guiltless, audacious soul accountable.
The glory of Mary, the downfall of many
But we have to give it to her. After all the manipulation and trauma she endured at a young age, she raised a radical leader who redefined the norms of society and championed for equality. A mother to generations of believers inspired by her kindness and zeal, she’s a role model to all women — Queen of heaven and earth. That’s also the problem.
For every Catholic school girl’s violation of the student handbook was a sanction, shame, and in its worst case, a suspension. Every perpetration of rape culture, victim blaming, and toxic relationships were brought by the rebuttal that women are expected to act chaste, wear modestly, and keep silent — often to their detriment. I am a Catholic who studied in a Catholic school for 13 years. Mary’s chastity and obedience has always been the justification against us who are characterized as “pushy”, “bossy”, and “slutty”, only because we wanted to walk a direction of our own. As long as we aren’t using our power to abuse or take advantage of others, who would hold it against us for not following a standard that represents only a few women? Serving as one of the most memorable lines in the 2018 hit, Marriage Story, Nora Fanshaw (and Laura Dern’s Oscar-winning role) states:
“The basis of our Judeo-Christian whatever is Mary, mother of Jesus, and she’s perfect. She’s a virgin who gives birth, unwaveringly supports her child, and holds his dead body when he’s gone. And the dad isn’t there. He didn’t even do the f — -ing. God is in heaven. God is the father, and God didn’t show up. So you [Nicole] have to be perfect. You will always be held to a different, higher standard. And it’s f — -ed up, but that is the way it is.”
Whilst the strength of those gentle feet crushing the Serpent’s head beams hope that all worldly suffering will come to an end, it also walked on her son’s blood and shook in fear over the presence of both worldly and heavenly ‘men’. She’s this romanticized woman in a man’s world — touched but also untouched. In spite of the grandeur worn all over her face, Mary too, like all of us, is a victim.
