The Right and Wrong Sides of Tradition
Photo Courtesy of Elena Mozhvilo
Growing up in Oklahoma, my experience learning about traditions left me open to subtle and not so subtle messages about rituals being based on Christian values. Sometimes the reasoning I gathered was "it's what people have just done for decades." ("So dye those eggs for Jesus and stop asking questions.")
Typically I was taught by my elders about the unwritten rules of participating in traditions. It would be foolish to solely blame older generations for carrying on rituals knowing some of my contemporaries find genuine comfort in the same activities.
I still aim to recognize good intentions. I don't really want to spoil anyone's good time. Its understandable how tradition can feels nicer when not explained or questioned. Because carrying out an activity repeatedly can mean having pride in the knowledge that you did your part - even if no one beyond your immediate family sees it.
It's also fascinating to consider how nostalgia stimulates the brain when a person carries on a tradition. I can't help but feel nervous having witnessed the drug like effect nostalgia has had on some people. We as a society strike days off of the calendar nearly always looking ahead towards the future. Celebrating holidays and milestones with traditions, however, has this interest effect that pushes our perspectives back into the past. It can feel simultaneously exciting and disorienting.
My mind has explored the thought experiment considering the immense history of America celebrating a holiday. Then I push to elevate my own personal soiree into the narrative of society. I am as important as the Pilgrims at the first Thanksgiving. As magical as Santa!
Later I am left wondering how imaginary is the nostalgia I feel? Trying to tie an individual celebration to the shared history of humanity is tricky. Thoughts can easily slide into the misconception that we are all connected by the specific things we do or eat on very specific dates.
Despite living nearly every day of 2020 isolated, voices from a past Christmas echo in my mind. I can hear relatives say "that's just wrong" in response to someone not following specific rituals or not cooking some “traditional” dish. American traditions being approached in a cookie cutter manner makes me cringe.
Here I call back to the Christian values subtext of my upbringing. Where I must acknowledge my bias as an immigrant's daughter leads me to believe people are unfair to write America off as solely a Christian nation (despite my father being one). But I realize tradition has the power to transcend religion. After all, I know people who take part in Christmas who aren't Christian.
My struggle with tradition begins when the bizarre attitude of there being a "right and wrong way" to carry out celebrations comes into the conversation. Perhaps you've witnessed that bizarre prejudice before, dear reader? The odd judgement on how you spend your free time. That prejudice is likely seen coupled with tradition's bestie: peer pressure.
Back in one of my college years, the expectation of how I "should" have celebrated July 4th motivated me to escape to a Chinese buffet. Now in 2020 I find myself experiencing a new flavor of nostalgia never dreamed possible: remembering how nice it was to eat at a buffet with friends. Indoors with air conditioning that wasn't circulating a deadly virus. Looking back I recall a unique comfort that came from not participating in the familiar. It seems that one way to celebrate tradition is to reject it.*
That year I told myself that watching fireworks would always be there next year. After all, "it's what people have done for decades." I'll admit feeling foolish having made the assumption that traditional celebrations would ALWAYS take place. There's a lesson here for me to ponder how to appreciate tradition while questioning it.
Again, I understand tradition can feel nice when not explained. When it's just there for us and right on schedule. My sincere apologies for those who really yearned for fireworks not found on YouTube last summer. My thoughts are with other parents out there lamenting how hard it is to find a safe way to visit Santa.
Perhaps skipping certain activities for a year can somehow help reignite the excitement of participating in pre-Covid activities we all miss. Whether the traditions or rituals you take part in next year are “right” or “wrong,” I wish you healthy nostalgia and an easier 2021.
*I believe it’s marketed as "start a new tradition!" which I also support.
