Broken Toe Lesson #1: Staying Positive In The Most F@cked up Situations
Sh!t happens, now you have two choices: drown in the emotions of despair or stay positive, and get out of this situation. We all are tired of this “staying positive” at this point already. Now, the question is, how do you really do that?
And I mean REALLY. We all hear about “you need to stay positive” bs… or, in those dark moment, we think it all is a BS. Or even worse, we try hard, really hard to stay positive, when we are not and cannot be. We put on that smile and push our issues deep down inside, hide them there till they all manifest themselves in shape of stress, burnout, depression, psychosomatic illnesses.
It’s a hard topic in fact. And some issues have to be worked out with a coach or therapist. If you experience serious issues that you cannot get away from, ASK FOR HELP. It’s ok to seek for help and counselling, Xanax is not always the answer (or at least not the only answer). Problems have to be dealt with, especially if it concerns our delicate psyche .
And I’m not even talking about life and death, loss, critical situations, though it is definitely recommended. I’m talking about prosaic life experiences that we all may experience, but that can give us hard times.
Look, as it is my “broken toe lesson”, let me tell you that it was quite rough for me (those who’ve been through serious injuries can call me a pu$$y, but note that it’s my first broken bone, ever; but trust me I’ve been in other shitty situations). This time I was in pain, I was alone, there was nobody to help or support me, I was scared. But I needed to take care of myself. That’s the most important thing.
You need to take care of yourself and drilling on a negative side of a situation is not going to help.
I guess, it is called emotional resilience — your ability to cope with different situations in your life. You cannot be positive all the time, you are not a machine. But dealing with situations in an optimistic manner is, I think, what we all can learn. Nuggets of wisdom about that from yours truly:
Knowledge #1:
Know you are strong.
Even when it’s difficult to believe, just know it. Because, guess what, you control your perception of the situation and of yourself in it.
What if that voice in your head saying “I can’t do this, it’s all too bad, too difficult, I cannot handle it” would disappear. What if that voice would be saying something opposite, like “common baby (honey/sweetie/master of the world/whatever you like to call yourself at that moment), you’ve got this, you can do it, you can pull through”? Well, let me tell you a secret, that is not a secret… It’s your own voice, and you choose what it says. So how to “stay positive”? Be good to yourself. Say good, encouraging, supportive things to yourself, like you would do to any other person in this situation. Treat yourself like it were not you.
Knowledge #2:
You don’t have to be strong all the time
A bit controversial after what I’ve just said. But it’s ok to feel compassion, even pity for yourself for a moment, it actually may help to cope, to release stress. WHen I’ve found out that my toe was actually broken, I felt so vaid and so much pity for myself, I wanted to cry (I didn’t even cry when I stubbed it). But then that voice started “NO! You cannot lose it! You have to be strong! You still need to deal with it! If you cry now, you’ll get soft and won’t get it done!”
But then I thought: “Why? Why I HAVE to be strong all the time? Why I cannot be vulnerable for a moment?”
I was on the tram. So I pulled my Prada sunnies out, put them on preparing to cry and… I didn’t feel like crying anymore. That simple moment of kindness and acceptance to myself actually made me smile and feel so much better.
If you need to cry, to release stress, to let it out — DO IT. But for a moment. Don’t get sucked in the black hole. You still need to take care of yourself. Think about it as a part of a treatment, not your constant condition
Knowledge #3:
So what?
Ok, shit happens. Maybe it’s just happened and you are totally in it right now up to your ears. So what? Optimism, to me, is not always smiling and thinking only good thoughts all the time, but focusing on a best possible outcome of the situation instead of the shittiness of the situation itself. When I ask “so what?”, I mean “what’s next?”
And that is a real choice out there. Real tangible, that is not focusing on “why this happened to me?”, “life is unfair”, “I’m screwed”, etc. But that defines how it’s going to gone from now on. Are you going to make it work or you are going to give in.
I really didn’t want to go to trauma hospital after I’ve been to a GP and in the X-ray, I had no power, no emotional or physical strength anymore. I even took a taxi to go home. I wanted to hide and sit there pitying myself. Call my mom to complain. I’ve almost given up. As ridiculous as it may sound, but it’s true.
I came home, but then I realised how silly it was. So I changed (oh yeah, there’s an outfit for every situation XD) and got another taxi to trauma center. My mood completely switched as I focused on “So what? What’s next?” I cannot live with a little toe sticking out like a hockey stick.
Focus on solution, not a problem. Step-by-step plan what you need to do. Little steps, one at a time. Trust me, in my situation, that’s literally how it was.
Look into the future. Bones are going to heal, next guy is going to be better than this one that just dumped you, next job will bring more satisfaction and some things are a course of life. Be philosophical (choose philosophers wisely though).
Knowledge #4
Don’t feed the monster
You know why I really didn’t want to go to the hospital? I have to be honest with you. Because I started to imagine, how it all is going to go. How they are going to pull my toe to fix it in the position, or maybe I’ll need to go for a surgery and they’ll put a pin in it… How painful and horrible it’s going to be. And I’m not a doctor, so I cannot know for a fact. Right, here’s the key here.
You don’t know for a fact how it’s going to go!
So instead of feeding yourself horror stories, tell yourself an encouragement
Knowledge #5
One good thought and a bit of humour is all it takes
Focus on one good thought. It’s a mental exercise. Being a pathological optimist, I always try to find at least one good thing in any situations. I focussed on one thing — I’m actually ok, it’s not a big deal (it’s really not), and I need to take care of it and give it some love (now as it is screaming, practically yelling for it). Plus, look, even though I was in pain, I really found the situation funny. How I broke it is really silly (if there were any “smart” bones broken at all).
ATTENTION: I didn’t laugh it off just to look cool, I did it wholeheartedly, with empathy to myself but also with abit of humour.
I find that humour often helps to release bad thoughts and energy. Imagine if you were to make a joke about it at a stand-up comedy or how you are going to tell about it to your friends later on at a party when it’s all far behind you.
Of course, there are situations that you cannot make fun of, but in most cases it works.
So this is how it went. I remembered how my mom refused to buy me a bike because I was a naughty kid and would always have scratches on my knees from yt another fall. I was not walking, I was hopping and dancing around. “You are not getting a bike — she said, — You can’t even walk properly!”. Obviously, she was right ;)
Life is good!
Love,
Olga Dee
