All About Love

In Bell Hooks book titled “All About Love,” she makes a very compelling statement. This statement is “Love and abuse cannot coexist” (p.g. 6). Love is characterized by respect, care, and support. On the other hand, abuse involves manipulation, control, and harm. In any relationship, whether romantic, platonic, with friends, or with family, the people participating in the relationship should feel valued. They should not feel scared to express themselves. There should be a sense of security and free from judgment or harm. When you are in an abusive relationship, it does not have love anymore. It might have started out loving, but once a pattern of behavior arises that seeks to exert power and control over another person, it can result in physical, emotional, or psychological harm. The whole idea of abuse undermines the foundation on which love is supposed to exist. This does not mean there might not be arguments or disagreements, but once one person holds power and control over the other, there is no longer love. From experience, there are times when you can get trapped in the cycle of violence. This involves three phases. The first is the tension-building phase, which is an initial tranquil period, but soon, stress and tension build. Next is the acute battering phase, which is when violence is perpetrated. Lastly, the honeymoon phase is when the abuser calms down, asks for forgiveness, and promises not to do it again. This will repeat over and over until the person being abused either escapes or, unfortunately, dies. In a relationship, you should never feel fear of being hurt but instead empathy, compassion, trust, and care. This should go both ways as well and not be one-sided.