Changing your mindset

Advice commonly given by therapists is to change our mindsets to deal with situations better, but how far is too far when it comes to changing how we view and react to events. According to Epictetus, we should view many of the negative events in our lives to be at peace with them. For example, when you lose a loved one instead of thinking of it as a loss think about it as you “giving them back”. While this way of thinking could help someone to move on it ignores the fact that we cannot control our emotions. You cannot rush one’s grieving process and taking a while to be content again after a loss does not make someones life bad, in fact changing your mindset to one that pushes away all negative emotion is unhealhy and can cause a more depressing life. Another example of a change of mindset presented by Epictetus deals with the topic of how others treat us. Epictetus claims that offensive or abusive behaviors directed towards us are only bad because you perceive it that way and give it meaning. He implies that if you simply do not get offended by someones indecent behaviors then it can remove all bad intention from their actions since you did not see it that way. Epictetus fails to realize, again, that we cannot control our emotions, therefore trying to change our mindset and view people’s abusive behavior as anything other then that and surpressing our true feelings about the situation can, in the long term, cause us to feel numb and disconnected from our environment. Changing our mindsets by trying to think more positively or learning to take accountability can be beneficial, but once changing our mindsets reaches the emotional level, it is best to just feel how we feel no matter how painful the emotion may be, because that feeling is only a moment not someone’s whole life.