28: The Cuckoo Clock of Doom
“The mirror seems a little higher than usual, I thought…The sink seems higher, too…I glanced in the mirror again — and got the shock of my life.”
Hot off “A Night in Terror Tower,” R.L. Stine returns with yet another tale about time travel, with stakes just as high.
In “The Cuckoo Clock of Doom,” Michael Webster’s dad buys an antique clock, a strange but marvellous purchase originating in Germany’s Black Forest. It’s his prized possession — much like the abominable leg lamp in A Christmas Story — which is why Michael’s afraid to touch it (at first).
Soon, he thinks up the perfect scheme to finally get his bratty little sister, Tara, in trouble. She’s been making his life miserable, and she’s also been spending a lot of time around the clock; so, if something were to happen to it, she’d have “guilty” written all over her.
Sneaking downstairs, Michael twists the bird’s head backwards, which, unbeknownst to him, activates the clock’s magic. When he wakes up the next morning, it’s his birthday—but his birthday was four days ago.
Every morning, he wakes up a few days earlier. Then a few months. Then a year. Then a few more years. He goes from seventh grade to third and has to painfully sit through lessons he’s already learned. He goes from third grade to second. From being school-aged to a toddler. His parents start talking to him a babyish voice. And although he feels like he’s 12 years old, he can’t express himself that way anymore. He can’t convince his parents of what’s happening, and time is literally running out.
Surprisingly, despite its silly title, “The Cuckoo Clock of Doom” is a thrilling read, even for adults. The stakes are high and they only get higher with each passing chapter. If Michael doesn’t get to the antique store to fix the clock (his dad hasn’t purchased it yet, of course), it’s only a matter of time before he Benjamin-Button’s himself into nothing.
In perhaps the book’s best scene, Michael wakes up as a baby, testing his gelatinous legs and confined to what he first perceives to be a cell, which is actually his crib. He bumps his head and starts crying, cuing his mom to change his diaper. Michael’s response to readers? “I don’t like to think about what happened after that. I’d rather block it out of my memory. I’m sure you understand.” It’s a fun reminder that Stine doesn’t take his material too seriously.
The book’s only tedious chunk is its lengthy flashback in the first few chapters. It’s necessary, seeing as Stine needs to both illustrate Tara’s sabotaging nature and set up the forthcoming time travel, but it pulls you out of the story. Ultimately, though, it’s a minor delay that pays off.
Speaking of delays, let’s answer the burning question: does Michael fix the bird’s head in time? Barely, but the clock is still flawed. It’s missing a year on its dial, the year Tara was born, meaning she’s no longer around when he returns to the present. It’s a page from Goosebumps #12, “Be Careful What you Wish For,” a thematic reminder that you can’t possibly know how much you’ll miss something until it’s gone. But whether Michael will miss Tara is still up for debate.
Also up for debate: if 1988 never existed, where does that leave me?
4/5 drops of Monster Blood.
