My Attempt at Deconstructing Christianity
Part Two
The word “deconstruct” has become a common one among Christians — especially among those who seem to be searching for truth. As a result, many have publicly announced they’re walking away from their faith.
I have undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus. The popular phrase for this is “deconstruction,” the biblical phrase is “falling away.” By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian. Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now. — Josh Harris, author of Christian bestseller I Kissed Dating Goodbye
There are no rules for deconversion…It’s more than ok to quit without being able to explain why. — Abraham Piper, son of Reformed preacher and writer John Piper.
Time for some real talk… I’m genuinely losing my faith, and it doesn’t bother me. — Marty Sampson, former lead worship leader & writer for Hillsong
Why do people walk away from their faith?
I’m sure each person had their reasons. It could be disillusionment, or they discovered “evidence” that proved to them that the Bible isn’t as authoritative or true as they once believed. Or, perhaps certain events or experiences in life caused them to reevaluate their belief system.
For me, I know I’ve spent a good portion of my life reevaluating and deconstructing Christianity.
Where Did It All Get Me?
My parents were saved a short time after I was born and began attending a local Baptist church. This church also ran a Christian school which I attended from Kindergarten through 12th grade. I was saved at the age of six — in fear of ending up in a terrible place called hell.
Throughout this period, I longed to be a rebel in that I looked for ways around the strict rules placed on me by my parents, church and school.
I was happy, no, ecstatic when I graduated from the school and went on to college. I had big dreams. I was an athlete who excelled in soccer and cross-country. I’d just got my driver’s license and my first car, when I noticed I had a hard time seeing in any dimly lit setting.
My mother took me to get my eyes examined believing I needed glasses. Instead, I was diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease, Retinitis Pigmentosa. I was already hearing impaired, so when I realized I’d be a deaf-blind, all my big dreams evaporated.
A short time afterward, I met and married Aaron. Eighteen months later, he died in a car accident.
Anger, resentment and bitterness took root in my heart, and I blamed God.
How could a loving God allow bad things to happen to His children? I decided I didn’t want to be His kid anymore, and turned and walked away.
I looked elsewhere for answers,but stayed away from any form of religion as I had no interest in hearing or reading what they had to say.
Three years passed and I reunited with a good friend from college, Jay, and things clicked. We married less than six months later.
I’d figured by walking away from my faith, bad things won’t happen as much to me anymore.
Hmm, not quite.
I nearly lost Jay to pericarditis while I was pregnant with our first child — the stress from that caused me to suffer from eclampsia and ended up having an emergency c-section to save the both of us. A few months later, I lost my job and was diagnosed with post-partum depression.
A few years later, I lost my dad to an aggressive lung disease. Then suffered a miscarriage.
Okay, I’ll stop here. You get the idea.
I was bewildered from it all. How much suffering and pain can a person take?
A few months after my dad’s death, Jay moved us way up to North Dakota.
I admit the change was needed and welcomed. Yet, the hardship seemed to follow us.
Throughout everything, misery grew within me. Nothing helped calm this growing anxiety that threatened to break me. The answers I sought never brought me the peace I sorely wanted.
Emptiness and unfulfillment plagued me.
I woke up on that fateful morning and was nearly instantly besieged by a crushing pain in my chest.
I was alone. My family was elsewhere in the house.
I knew what was happening. I turned my face to the nearest window, and prayed.
I hadn’t prayed in years. I’d been trying to ignore God all that time. I knew He was listening to me as this peace flooded through me — a peace I’ve never experienced before.
I knew then that I was going to be alright — no matter what the outcome ended up being, I knew He had me firmly in His grasp.
My Attempt — “Failed”
I tried to walk away from my faith, from God.
But, He always stayed close by even when I didn’t want Him to be there.
I suffered a near-fatal heart attack. I could have died that day, but I didn’t.
I’d given up on God; but, He never gave up on me.
PART THREE OF THIS SERIES
