Four casual friends from my college unfriended me because of my beliefs on the drug war and an article I wrote about how sensationalized reporting conflates drug use and drug abuse. One girl, who has family experience with the topic, took offense and messaged me, telling me I made her cry and condemning my views, telling me how privileged I was and gossiping to mutual friends. This is a common issue for libertarians. We’re caught between left and right, keenly positioned to offend both or appear too radical. Although I have plenty of compassion for individual hardships, the way I was ostracized (instead of calmly disagreed with) is symptomatic of a greater issue of political intolerance, particularly on college campuses.
Some pointers:
- You have no right that protects you from being offended.
- You have no obligation to click on any of my writing, especially if it is a sensitive topic for you (in fact, please exercise self care, as I want what is best for you).
- You have no ability to silence the views of people who disagree with you. There is complexity and truth to nearly every viewpoint.
A close liberal friend of mine also chose to critique this article, but in a way that was fair, respectful, and gave me excellent pointers to think about. The original offended-liberal friend, on the other hand, was angered by my response (which thanked her for her comments, said we approach the issue from different perspectives, and suggested that she unfollow me if she finds these articles difficult for her own self care), and bitched to three mutual friends about me, who subsequently unfriended me.
The obvious takeaway is that these were not valuable friends to have in the first place, but there’s a deeper issue here that I feel compelled to write about, that is far less petty than having four fewer casual friends. Political tolerance is breathing its last dying breaths, especially here on college campuses. As a fairly moderate person, I regarded most commentary as overblown –– now I realize how wrong I was. This is a huge problem, and it’s not getting better.
Here are some things that desperately need to be said:
- You’re always allowed to disagree. You’re not going to be successful, however, if you demand an apology or get mad when someone doesn’t change their political beliefs. You can’t coerce or pressure someone into doing so, and change is often gradual anyway.
- Privilege is a valuable concept for demonstrating blind spots due to experience and identity. Conflating privilege with stupidity, however, muddles both concepts and derails the important lessons that can be learned through understanding privilege. Helping people become more amenable to understanding their own privilege, as opposed to less, is valuable.
- There is sometimes a correlation between idiocy and political leaning –– but treating every opponent as an idiot won’t get you very far and will probably make them more entrenched in their beliefs rather than less. You rarely persuade people by making them angry.
- You don’t have a monopoly on shitty experiences. The vast majority of the people around you have a close personal connection to death, rape, drug abuse, or violence. We all have some sort of experience with hardship, and various words or beliefs that could hurt us. Just because you don’t know someone else’s pain doesn’t mean it’s not there. People, especially journalists, aren’t obligated to tiptoe around your sensitivities or change their beliefs because of your experiences. Some people have experience with drug abuse that informs their beliefs, others of us have experience with friends getting arrested for drugs that have served as medicine: there’s no single story that serves as the guidepost for belief.
- Your echo chamber will implode, someday, so you should preemptively destroy it. Your friends will have babies, get rich, get divorced, rely on food stamps, deal with the healthcare system, develop alcoholism, find God, have weddings that put them into debt, have abortions, and get laid off. They’re not static beings and most people experience some political change as they go through different periods of life. My mother is one of the most ardent Black Lives Matter supporters I know, and she came from rural, religious, conservative Texas. I know intense anarchists who served in the military, who’ve seen war and obedience up close. One incredible libertarian friend of mine used to plan weddings for police unions. Humans evolve, and will alter their beliefs over time, so get comfortable with it. Learn how to love them as they are, for reasons more intrinsic and more beautiful than politics. One of my friends has always had the desire to serve others, but this evolved from military service to writing about relationships and sex positivity. Both actions serve, just in different ways –– and his evolution is awesome to watch.
So blow up your echo chamber. Watch it burn. Smash holes into it, if you must, just find a way to get yourself out. People and relationships will change, and values are more important than politics. Seek out friendships that challenge you, beliefs that confuse you, and viewpoints that shock you (to a degree. You don’t have to join Students for Trump, though).
If you can’t handle my journalism, please take care of yourself and don’t click on it. If you can’t value relationships outside of your echo chamber, I can’t do anything about that other than hope that experience someday opens your mind. In the meantime, I’m going to surround myself with the most fascinating, batshit-crazy, passionate people and light my own goddamn echo chamber on fire –– it never taught me much anyway.
