This post has no title.

Titles are the worst, anyway.

So I started this out as an academic piece of writing years ago. I became obsessed with the idea that each of us carries with us beliefs that are so ingrained that we don’t even realize that they exist. They are fundamental to how we approach everything; they are the bottom we hit when someone asks “why” too many times — we all get to “because that’s how things are!”, spat out petulantly, like an exasperated child. Because the answers are so obvious.

At the same time as this idea was brewing, I found a book called Living Systems — an enormous tome that describes, in mind-numbing detail, how everything from a single cell to a global community are comprised of the same structures and require the same functions. Well. Color me fascinated. And so I started thinking about how everything is systems — systems in systems of systems within systems, and in the middle of this infinitely complex web, we stand, thinking we have control while we are invisibly but unequivocally ruled by beliefs we don’t even know we have.

As an academic paper, I got so bogged down by research that writing a single page was impossible. I need at least four advanced degrees to be credible, and while it’s something I might do, I began to wonder if the idea might be better served as fiction.

Which is problematic because, you know…I’m not a fiction writer. I barely read fiction. And yet…here I am.

So my idea is this, and it’s very raw and not fully fleshed out. Like, at all. Here goes:

You know that feeling that comes when you create something? That sense of warmth and presence and energy? That feeling is actually a being that is called into existence by the process of creation. It is a being that is timeless, existing throughout and beyond history and future. It is not tied to humankind alone; rather there are versions of it on all planets, in all star systems, and even can spring from the minds of animals who create. This creature is frustrated because it knows that at a certain point, as more and more people choose to create, it will become a driving force, tipping the energetic field of all beings into one of creation and understanding, of compassion and connection.

There is, of course, another character borne out of destruction. This being is somewhat smug and patient because it knows that its path is the easiest, and that entropy is a real thing that is constantly working it its favor. It becomes stronger when we choose hatred, divisiveness, and chaos.

Neither of these characters are inherently good or bad (although crappy language choice tonight might indicate otherwise); the struggle is, as in an oft repeated myth, which one do we nurture through our thoughts and actions? Which one, as the myth goes, do we feed?

The human protagonist is present in my fish story. In that excerpt, she begins to realize something about connection, about destruction, and about how seemingly innocuous decisions can lead to terrible endings. Her life is a serious of moments like this, leading her to the realization that lives are so much more than we think, and that we are careless about them because we fail to see the connections.

She meets, eventually, the creatrix of the universe who teaches her to see. And then, the question becomes simply…how does she live now? Who will listen? Should she even bother? Should any of us?