Write it down

The date is May 19, a Thursday, the sun shines a mellow light, covering much of the Orange County region in an embrace of much-needed warmth.

I sit in bed, hair dripping post-shower wetness, munching on a caesar salad from the work kitchen, the latest copy of the New Yorker in my lap.

I read and read and read, and for what reason, I ask myself? To expand my knowledge and understanding of this mortal life? Yes, that. But what else? To enrich my own vocabulary and broaden my sense of syntax? Yes, that as well!

But what else?

I am also, I realize, looking for something.

I scan these sentences in search of a pattern of adjectives, descriptions of events, an clandestine mix of interwoven commentary. What do these writers do, I ask myself, that makes them successful? What do they write to get people to pay them?

The answer is there isn’t a formula. We may take classes upon classes, attend workshop after workshop, learning the do’s and don’ts of how to write but in the end, there is no right or wrong way to compose a work.

In a world so unbound by physical confines such as gravity or other forms of physics, it would be naive to think that there is only one right way to write.

I guess I’m writing this down to remind myself to not panic so much. I keep going about, grappled with endless anxiety, trying to figure out just what it is everyone else knows that I don’t. I’ll never truly be “ready” to be a writer. I’ll never stumble upon the “right” moment to pursue the things I desire.

“Just do what you can,” says my mom in the classic Pokemon games. Mother knows best?

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