5 Reasons Why We Need More American Horror Movies

1. Reading subtitles is too much work. Seriously.

Ok, there’s some good international horror out there, but those also involve lots of reading. I’m here for a movie, not a book. ‘Nuff said.

2. Americans don’t see nearly enough violence in their everyday lives.

How else are we to expose ourselves to mass murders on a daily basis? It’s not like you can just flip a switch and find horrible things going on in the world.

3. We have a rich history of oppressing people.

Whether it’s disturbing Native American burial grounds, locking homosexuals in mental institutions, or subjecting an entire race to literal and then economic slavery, U.S. history is full of diverse stories for the silver screen!

4. Freedom of speech means filmmakers can be exploitive with zero fear of censorship.

Sure, the MPAA sucks, but at least the government itself doesn’t force movies to cut scenes that feature naked women being excessively brutalized. If our Founding Fathers were alive today, they would insist on my right to watch torture porn.

5. People need more reasons to say, “‘merica!”

Preferably this is said while crushing a can of beer on your forehead and flipping burgers on the grill with your free hand. Get some.