Top Ten Jim Justice WTF Quotes
By: Michelle Hogmire
With 2020 rapidly approaching, it’s time not only to celebrate new beginnings, but also to appreciate things that remain the same. The sun will rise in the morning and set in the evening; people still won’t know that West Virginia is a separate state; and Jim Justice will always be saying some wacky bullshit. Who could forget the time that West Virginia’s corrupt billionaire governor wore Crocs with a suit in public? Or when he literally brought a piece of shit on a platter into the statehouse? To honor 2019 properly, here’s our list of the most ridiculous statements Jim Justice made during his 2019 State of the State Address.
10. Jim reveals that he’s been attacked by a cash register:
“It’s just absolutely a cash register. We put the money in, it comes flying right back at us.”
9. Technology mishaps and an awkward BDSM reference:
“But — am I messing up here somewhere? My PBS mic’s not on. Well, that’s good. Let’s just take time to fix it […] I’m not in charge of the electronics now. This isn’t a shock collar, is it? While we’re doing that, I’m going to untangle wires. No, I’m not either. I can’t — I can’t pull it off.”
8. Jim doesn’t know when his son was born:
“And I tease about Bray all the time. But I’d say if you go back to whenever in West Virginia, even Bray wasn’t here then. Now, it’s possible, but I’m not sure — we probably should get a birth certificate.”
7. The annual health report:
“And I’ve had 10,000 surgeries — and I’m exaggerating to make my point, but — and I’ve still got to have some more. I was just too slow in sports to get out of the way, and so I got hit a lot.”
6. What…? :
“I’ve said it over and over, we had to kill a deer every day in school to feed the kids.”
5. Jim uses rambling, convoluted baseball metaphor for no discernible purpose:
“You see, I would say to you just this: What would you do — what would you do if you were in a baseball game or a softball game — what would you do if the count was 3–2? What would you do if the bases were loaded? The other team was at bat and your team was one run ahead. The bases are loaded. The other team’s at bat. There’s two outs. The count’s 3–2. You’re on second base. You’re in right field. You’re standing there pounding your glove, and you’re saying — as the pitch is on the way, are you saying, ‘Please, Lord, don’t let them hit me the because I’ll muck it up.’ Or are you hitting your glove and saying, ‘Please, Lord, have them hit me the ball. I’ll make the play. I’ll make the play. I want the ball.’ Well, you see, right now, I’m going to ask you for the ball. Now, I’m going to call this ‘Jim’s Dream,’ because I want it to be just that.”
4. Jim wants his hatred of weed on his gravestone:
“I am adamantly, adamantly, etched in stone, adamantly against recreational marijuana.”
3. Jim makes up phrases he thinks are real:
“We cannot make the horse drink, but we can take it to water, and we’ve taken you to water, so you have to go apply and buy your E-Z Pass […] Now, we’ve got a terrible backlog with the E-Z Pass situation, and we almost caused the dog mess of all times.”
2. Jim doesn’t know what to do with his thumb:
“You see my hand? My hand’s got four fingers and a thumb. And sometimes your thumb can get in a lot of ways, get caught in a door or whatever it may be […] But every time we jam our hand in a glove, we hook our thumb, and it just won’t go just right.”
1. Jim is paranoid that we’re going to think he’s gay with Shaq:
“Shaq is really involved with Communities in Schools and does tremendous work, and he’s a great friend, and don’t be paying any attention to his kisses and love bit. But what a great, great, great person.”
