28 of the Other 45 Ways to Leave Your Lover

He did say there were 50…

Take off in a trolley, Molly

Move out of his place, Chase

Get on a train, Jane

Hop on the light rail, Dale

Run far away, May

Book a plane flight, Dwight

Escape in a canoe, Drew

Commit identity fraud, Maude

Disappear for a week, Zeke

Change your house’s locks, Rox

Fake your own death, Seth

Don’t extend your shared lease, Denise

Stop taking her calls, Paul

Write a breakup poem, Jerome

Take him out of your will, Lil

Send a Twitter DM, Clem

Write a Thought Catalog thinkpiece, Reese

Pay for and send a singing telegram to the door of her workplace, Chase

Say something about how great his best friend looked yesterday, Kay

Shout another woman’s name in bed, Jed

Just be really mean, Dean

Throw her stuff in a lake, Jake

Steal his mail, Gail

Steal his identity, Kennedy

Steal her car, Lamar

Steal his food, Jude

Steal her cat, Matt

Steal the stuffed tiger he’s been sleeping with since she was born, Bjorn

Just get yourself free


Christy Admiraal lives in Manhattan, where she works as a copywriter and editor. She enjoys comedy podcasts, graphic t-shirts, and inserting her cats’ names into popular song lyrics.

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