Falling in Love With Fictional Characters Is the Worst: A Conversation Between Silvia and Kelly

Silvia attempts to convince Kelly that she is not in love with Chris Geere.

Image: FXX

Kelly: Do you think chris geere would date me

Silvia: well for starters he’s married

Kelly: not what I asked

Silvia: and more importantly you do NOT want to date him

Kelly: yes I do

Kelly: I love him

Kelly: He’s so cute

Kelly: on you’re the worst

(Chris Geere)

Silvia: well I have some bad news about him

Kelly: what……

Silvia: he’s a toff and kind of bad lol.

Kelly: a toff what does this mean

Kelly: tall often friendly face

Silvia: i don’t know have you spent any time on his instagram

Kelly: wow I have not

Kelly: you have?

Silvia: uh yes

Kelly: silvia that’s my boyfriend..

Silvia:

Silvia: I might have been reaching with toff i don’t think he’s ACTUALLY upper class

Silvia: but he was born in cambridge and he was in the royal shakespeare company and you can’t be that good looking with your shirt off and be in a midsummer night’s dream and NOT be insufferable

Kelly: well.

Kelly: he plays a mean writer on the show and that is why I am attracted to him

Silvia: yes

Silvia: we have a crush on the CHARACTER

Silvia: not the actual actor

Kelly: WE???

Silvia: he’s the actual worst on the show, he’s a dementedly difficult brit, very up my alley

Kelly: good splitsider post idea: Can Kelly and Silvia Break Up Chris Geere’s Marriage and Turn Him Into Someone They Like?

Silvia: there’s no possible way he’s not a douche

Silvia: sorry

Kelly: :(

Silvia:

Kelly: NICEST?

Kelly: :(

Silvia: “Although if you ask Geere about his own romantic life, you’ll find that he’s not so much like his character. The actor met his wife, who is a jazz singer, when she was performing at a bar in Manchester, and he’s never looked back at his single life since.”

Kelly: Oh god

Silvia: “I was happy being that guy on a TV show who hooks up with a girl in a bar,” he recounts. “And then I requested a song that I didn’t even want because I wanted to talk to her, and then I requested her phone number. We went out for dinner that night and I haven’t been out for dinner with anyone since. Marriage is properly difficult, especially with the distance, but we make it work. We admit our flaws to each other. In my vows I said, ‘I’m not perfect but I’m going to try and make you the best that you can be.’ And she said the same. And that’s what we do. We try and better ourselves every day.” He pauses, realizing that he’s been absorbed by the tale. He laughs. “Yeah,” he admits, “so I’m a little different than Jimmy.”

Kelly: oh god!

Silvia: he’s very different from jimmy

Kelly: but I like jimmy :(

Silvia: yes

Silvia: first and foremost we have a crush on JIMMY not chris geere

Silvia: second it’s bad because no one who looks like that talks like that

Silvia: it’s the #1 rule of TV crushes

Kelly: except for House

Kelly: he’s real

Silvia: you’re in love with an impossible thing: a hot puppet saying the goony writer’s clever words a lot faster and more densely than people normally talk in real life

Kelly: except for Dr. House who is real

Silvia: think about rory gilmore

Kelly: Oh please do NOT tell me you think Alexis Bledel is not rory gilmore in real life

Kelly: haven’t you done enough?? to me here??? today???

Silvia: alexis bledel is mealy-mouthed at best and not in the rory way either

Silvia: the fast-talking twizzler-eating punk-rock-listening women you think are rory and lorelai are just amy sherman-palladino bottled into a concentrate and dropped onto those sponges that turn into giant dinosaurs after soaking overnight. she is the vital substrate that makes them possible.

Silvia: ever notice how the last season is wack?

Silvia: because she left the show

Kelly: actually I have a lot to say about how the last season is not as bad as the second-to-last season but we don’t have to get into it

Silvia: same with aaron sorkin and seasons 5–7 of The West Wing

Kelly: mhm

Silvia: everyone talked slower and more annoyingly and everyone was mushy and emotional

Silvia:

Silvia: “The role was originally American. It was a schlubby out-of-work writer. Slightly overweight. Really unkempt American guy. And my American accent is alright, but I also wanted to see if they would be open to me doing it in a British accent because I think the role lends itself to the British accent. I could be acerbic and hurtful, and at the end of the day still be a relatable, likable character. In an American accent it just came across as aggressive. I don’t know why, but it didn’t work.”

Silvia: the character was written to be a shlubby overweight american struggling novelist

Silvia: we’re being duped so hard

Kelly: wow

Kelly: this is truly very unfortunate

Kelly: silvia

Kelly: everything you’re saying to me today is something I hate

Silvia: anyway the point is

Silvia: we like the characters not the actors

Silvia: which is bad news because the characters are composites of a lot of writers and jimmy specifically is a writer and writers, say it with me, are the worst

Kelly: but he’s so hot

Kelly: on the show

Kelly: :(

Silvia: i know

Silvia: hollywood is amazing like that

Silvia: aaron sorkin made me think i liked bradley whitford too but

Silvia: i mean

Kelly: hahahaha

Kelly: okay….we can stop……..looking at his instagram

Silvia: he posted that himself and it’s clearly like a screenshot of a low res

Silvia: not until you fully understand kelly

Silvia: okay last one

Silvia: ready?

Kelly: eehhh

Kelly: he’s so hot on the show :(


Season three of You’re the Worst premieres tonight on FXX. That’s why this is relevant. Chris I am still open to dating.