Fiona Apple’s Donald Trump Christmas Song Is Good — You Can Trust Me

I know it sounds like it’s going to be bad and in some ways it is but I promise you that it is also good (if you like Fiona Apple; I’m not sure if you do).

Image: Michael Stillwell

Fiona Apple has a Christmas song already, remember? Oh. I’m just noticing this now: she has more than one. She has two! The one I was thinking of was this one, “Frosty the Snowman”:

A Fiona Apple original, I believe.

She also does a live cover of “Please Come Home for Christmas.” Here’s a recording of that, at the beginning of which she says “Happy Hanukkah” because she “always feels so weird about just, like, Christmas.” Haha. I love her!

Today, coming from Pitchfork, she released a new Christmas song. I’ll ask you not to judge it too harshly from the title. I admit that I clicked on the link to the Pitchfork post because I read the title and thought “I hate this” and I was curious to see how much I was going to hate it. I know you’re going to read the title and think “I hate this,” and that’s fine. We can’t help how we feel about anything, let alone song titles. It’s called “Trump’s Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire.” And it sounds beautiful!

You can listen to it at this Fiona Apple fan Tumblr for some reason.

And here are the lyrics:

Trump’s nuts roasting on an open fire
as he keeps nipping at his foes.
You’ll cry creepy uncle 
every time he arrives,
for he keeps clawing at your clothes.
Everybody knows some money and entitlement
can help to make the season white.
Mothers of color with their kids out of sight
will find it hard to sleep at night.
They know that Trump is on his way.
he’s got black boys in hoodies locked up on his sleigh.
And every working man is going to cry
when they learn that letch don’t care how you live or if you die.
So I’m offering this simple phrase
to kids from 1 to 92.
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Donald Trump, fuck you!

Haha. I know. But that voice!

I love it.

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