Five Ways to Not Become Your Mother

1. Try a bunch of skin-related anti-wrinkle things.

2. They won’t work.

3. There is no way; it is your destiny. A tiny version of her lives in every cell of your body, getting bigger and bolder with each passing day.

4. You’ll probably look worse than her, also, if you think of all the new chemicals you’ve unintentionally consumed or otherwise absorbed.

5. Plus you’re almost certainly stupider.