Fridays Are The New Mondays

At some point they became the second-worst day of the week.

Image: Fabio Macor (Flickr)

For many reasons (“Garfield,” Office Space, European calendars), we’ve been taught to think that the common feeling about Mondays is that they’re the worst. Womp womp, back to the grind, no more happy weekend feeling. Mondays are spent readjusting back into your uncomfortable desk chair while wearing your uncomfortable work pants and looking at your uncomfortable work screen.

As a very wise ginger once wrote, Sundays (A.K.A. the Anxiety Sabbath) are actually the worst days—the soul-draining, catch-up day that was at one point supposed to be relaxing and solitary but somehow became filled with a distinct sense of dread, particularly about others: what they were asking, what they were watching, what they were reading.

But are Mondays really so bad? Mondays are a fresh start. They’re a blank page, a new school year, a sharpened pencil. They’re full of opportunity and misguided enthusiasm and goal-setting. Mondays are the point of inflection, where you first feel that upswing in the pit of your stomach as the rollercoaster pulls out of the gate and you think, “Well shit, okay, here we go0000000!!!????”

Fridays on the other hand, well. I don’t know about you but this cultural narrative we have of #Friyay, is completely bogus. Please just admit it’s been a long week, you are tired, and you want to turn off your brain. Isn’t that kind of a depressing feeling? Wanting to unplug your higher consciousness, man’s greatest gift, I mean cross to bear? Why do you think so many people get drunk on Fridays and want to sleep in on Saturdays? The week is thoroughly exhausting, and Friday is a comedown. Sunday’s comedown is only worse because the fall is from higher aloft in the heady weekend space.

Plus, Fridays have tons of bad connotations:

T.G.I. Fridays

Hmmm, I don’t think I need to tell you why this restaurant is depressing. Also depressing:

Summer Fridays

When everyone at work who is richer and more senior than you leaves work early to go to their second home and you get to leave early-ish at like 4:30p.m. and it’s completely depressing.

Friday I’m In Love

God what’s more depressing than being in love. Love is painful and hard and almost never works out. It leaves you with scars and way more to talk about than anyone wants to listen to. Mondays I don’t care about you? That feels awesome!

“Friday” by Rebecca Black

Yeah, depressing!

‘Friday,’ the 1995 film with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker

This is an anxiety-ridden film! Here is Google’s film synopsis, with the depressing parts highlighted by me:

It’s Friday and Craig Jones (Ice Cube) has just gotten fired for stealing cardboard boxes. To make matters worse, rent is due, he hates his overbearing girlfriend, Joi (Paula Jai Parker), and his best friend, Smokey (Chris Tucker), owes the local drug dealer money — and that’s all before lunch. As the hours drag on, Jones and Smokey experience the gamut of urban life, complete with crackheads, shoot-outs and overly sexual pastors, concentrated into one single, unbelievable Friday.

Also why did they make like seven sequels. Sequels are depressing.

Fridays the 13th

QED

Friday news dumps

Nobody wants them, they’re often extremely stress-inducing, and the whole reason they’re being dumped is literally antithetical to the concept of news. It’s like, “please let this become olds very fast, no don’t look, avert your eyes.” If journalism is speaking truth to power, then Friday news dumps are whispering truth down a long-abandoned well.

There are probably other ones but it’s Friday and I’m feeling lazy. (Nobody does good work on a Friday!! And guess why?) In conclusion, here is my official ranking of days, from worst to best, without commentary:

7. Sunday

6. Friday

5. Wednesday

4. Thursday

3. Monday

2. Tuesday

  1. Saturday