Headlines You’ll Be Seeing Now That The Nation Is Run By A Witch Cabal

by Jess Zimmerman

“Every American Killed by Lightning So Far in 2014 Has Been Male” -The Atlantic’s CityLab, June 26, 2014

April 5, 2018
Mysterious Vocal Cord Stenosis Continues to Afflict Male Pundits

January 12, 2020
Bug That Deletes Online Articles and Comments by Male Writers “Probably a Virus,” Say Experts

August 26, 2022
Fedoras Recalled Due to Spontaneous Combustion

March 21, 2027
Ask a Doctor: How Come Every Time I Start to Comment on a Woman’s Appearance She Turns Into Fat Tony from The Simpsons?

October 14, 2035
All Men Have Fleas

May 11, 2038
Best Manly-Smelling Lotions To Treat Your Sudden Allergy to Handling Money

September 26, 2043
Sinkhole Crisis Still Raging: Victims Described as “Catcalling Men”

March 31, 2049
Are You Shrinking, Like All Other Guys? Here Are Our Top Six Macho High Heels!

December 17, 2051
Male Pregnancies Up 50 Percent

July 2, 2054
Every American Killed By Lightning So Far in 2054 Has Been Male, Also Every American Male Has Been Killed By Lightning

Jess Zimmerman tweets a lot about feminism and dogs and stuff at @j_zimms.