How to Clean Your Home

1. Forgive yourself.
 In order to clean your home, you first need to accept that you have not led a perfect, mess-free life and that is okay. It’s never too late to clean.

2. Don’t clean alone.
 Messes can be suave and clever. If a mess has already found a dwelling place in your home, you may be tempted to just give up and submit yourself to a messy life. This is why you should always try to clean with a trusted friend who will help you maintain your resolve. Try singing and dancing together while you clean; this will make the mess tremble.

3. Avoid lethargy.
 Remember, idle hands are messiness’ playthings!

4. Use holy water.
 Did you know that holy water is fantastic for cleaning?

5. Cast out your mess.
 Lay your hands on everything that is messy and then say out loud, “Mess, I command you to leave me alone!” BE FIRM. Make sure the mess understands that it is not welcome in your home.

6. Avoid all future messiness.
 After you have told it to go, don’t talk about anything messy ever again. If you do, the mess will think that you miss it and it will come back for you.

Natalie Eve Garrett is an artist and writer who wants to sell you a ghost. Her book, The Artists’ and Writers’ Cookbook, will be published by powerHouse Books in 2016.

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