More Categories For My Period App

How menstrual are you feeling on a scale of 1 to oppressed?

My period app allows me to track different aspects of my cycle, including how heavy my flow is and what kind of pain I’m in (i.e., A: cramps, B: headache, C: tender breasts, etc). I have a few suggestions for more categories my app should track.

TALKING ABOUT MY PERIOD

A: Not mentioning it
B: Texting about it with my office best friend
C: Talking about it with any female coworker
D: Sitting all the men down and doing a Q & A

TAMPON CONCEALMENT

A: Taking whole purse to the bathroom
B: Carrying tampon in the sleeve of my sweater
C: Carrying tampon openly like the normal object it is
D: Waving tampon in male coworkers’ faces while screaming YES! I’M CARRYING A TAMPON! I’M MENSTRUATING, A NATURAL PROCESS ALL WOMEN GO THROUGH MONTHLY!

CALLING MOM

A: Called mom
B: Called mom to complain about cramps
C: Called mom to complain about oppressive patriarchal office culture
D: Called mom but she didn’t pick up because she was at her jewelry enameling class

COLOR OF BLOOD

A: Light blue
(There are no other options because light blue is the color of my and everyone else’s period blood.)

DISPOSAL METHOD

A: Used in performance art piece
B: Used in a full moon spell
C: Smeared “HRC FOR PRESIDENT” on door of my male boss
D: Little fancy trash thing in the bathroom

REASON FOR CRYING

A: Remembering Donald Trump
B: Seeing a very normal river and realizing everything… in the world… is so… beautiful…
C: Cramps feel like a very small man crawled into your uterus and started stabbing from the inside out
D: Laughing very hard at your own bits

WORK

A: Called in sick
B: Was going to call in sick but worried that by missing work you would be oppressing yourself
C: Went into work and complained that while the bathrooms do provide tampons and pads, they don’t provide the knives and maces you’re going to need to start the matriarchal revolution
D: Trying the freelance thing for awhile

MEN

A: Didn’t have sex because on your period
B: Had sex while on your period as a feminist statement
C: Men are oppressing me and I will never let another touch me
D: Men are oppressing me and I want to kiss all of them

HOW YOU ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY DEALING WITH BLOOD GUSHING OUT YOUR VAG

A: Feeling like ok sure
B: Convincing self that women are made stronger by their constant suffering
C: Opening up your drawer and fantasizing about wearing your nice underwear
D: Listening to Joni Mitchell’s “Big Yellow Taxi” and realizing you really DON’T know what you got till it’s gone