Nine Excerpts From the August 2011 Vogue, Presented Without Commentary

1. “This ‘Jell-O’ shot dates back to the 1820s and was the brainchild of Antonin Carême, one of the greatest chefs of all time. Enemies of Jell-O shots have Carême to contend with.”

2. “No woman wants to outeat her lunch companion, so our chosen dishes are pleasingly equable as to grossness (animal fats) and healthiness (leaves).”

3. “Fascinating women — by which I mean mysterious, lone females who appear in people’s novels or shoot the last of the world’s leopards in Africa — are rare in the twenty-first century.”

4. “’If I wasn’t doing candy, I’d want to create the best rescue animal-shelter organization. Otherwise, the Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson were so much a part of my childhood, and Janet and I have become friends. So my second dream job would be backup singer for Janet Jackson!’”

5. “Harf calls the swabbed among us ‘Heroes in Waiting.’ And nothing suits a hero in waiting like a crisp summer pedicure.”

6. “Correcting baggy eyes with lasers is not new, says Tina S. Alster, M.D.”

7. “A lady came in just an hour ago, complaining that hers were old-looking, and so I injected them with Juvéderm, and now she’s got smooth, plump, young earlobes.’”

8. “How would he rank my lobules on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst? ‘I’d say an eight, which is fairly significant. But there’s still a relatively nice shape to your earlobe.’”

9. “Personally, I’m fascinated to see what [Sarah Jessica Parker] will do next. Movies, for sure, but perhaps on the other side of the camera? Or politics? SJP for mayor of New York? Why not?”

Anna Fitzpatrick is a Toronto based writer and the web editor at Worn Fashion Journal. Her earlobes are awesome.