On the “Facebook Phone”
by Bobby Finger
You need to text your friend that you will be late to dinner. You pull your Android device from your pocket. You place your thumb on your face and unlock the phone. You see that your friend Elaine just had a babymoon. You wonder what a “babymoon” is. You scroll through the photos and realize that a “babymoon” is a very easy concept to figure out. You decide that you don’t care about Elaine’s new baby. You think about how much you hate the name Elaine chose for her new baby. You wonder how much they spent on their “babymoon” and think about how much your health insurance would be if you had a baby. You close the album. You see that Joseph just got a new job. You hated Joseph in college. You “Like” his change of employment. You see that dog you like. You wish you were petting that dog. You think about how lovely it would be to own a dog. You realize that owning a dog is not a possibility at the moment. You look up at the sky. You think thoughts you’d never reveal to anyone, not even your closest friend. You take a photo of the sky and make it your cover photo. You see people “Like” it immediately. You wonder what all of them are doing on their phones on a night like this. You see it’s your coworker’s birthday. You do not write on her wall. You look at your phone and see that it is now midnight. You missed dinner.
