Other Balls

by Emma Rosenblum

Wrecking Balls. Cannonballs. What other balls?

Fireball

Our love exploded like a fireball
fireballs are hot, hot
stop, drop, and roooolllll.

Curveball

You came at me like a curveball
I didn’t see you coming
heeeeey, heeeeey, you should really announce yourself, K?

Sleezeball

Sleazeball,
slimeball,
greaseball,
scuzzball (repeat)

Highball

I’m drunk on you like I had a few too many highballs
tasty highballs
your ice cubes are huge.

Racquetball

You play me like racquetball
like racquetball
you know, racquetball
from the ‘80s?

Butterball

You carve me like a Butterball
a delicious Thanksgiving Butterball
you give me a tryptophan high.

Oddball

I eye you like an oddball
an oddball in the subway
I am a creep.

Tetherball

You make me dizzy like a tetherball
wrap me around your pole
that’s what she said.

Lucille Ball

You’ve got red hair like Lucille Ball
you’re my ginger love
it’s a recessive trait, recessive trait, recessive trait.

Chicken Ball (Do the Heimlich Maneuver)

Our love chokes me like a chicken ball
like Mama Cass’s chicken ball
do the Heimlich Maneuver!

Eyeball
Our passion pokes me in the eyeball
Blink, blink, blink
Blink.

Alan Ball

True Blood,
Six Feet Under,
American Beauty (repeat)

Previously: Soap Is The Devil

Emma Rosenblum is an editor at Bloomberg Businessweek. She is afraid to try chicken balls.