The New Summer’s Eve Commercials

Not, you know, a total shock to the system that douche manufacturers (technically not a douche, but rather a cleansing wash, we should emphasize) have resorted to weird, freaky ads involving the power of the vagina to shape history, because dying industries sometimes need to burn the village to save it, right? Men ain’t buying watches, women ain’t buying separate products for their gross vaginas.

As the village burns, however, someone is buying it, because we all see those weird bottles when trying to acquire lube. Personally, we always pictured an obsessive Howard Hughes-Terence Howard figure living alone in an airplane hangar, stockpiling crates of the stuff in hopes of eventually dropping it over major Midwestern cities. Or, you know, old ladies. Or individuals with shaky English who became confused at Duane Reade’s and assumed it was a lotion-based bug repellent.

If any of you are Summer’s Eve users…how does that work? Do you wash the rest of yourself with regular body wash, then crack open the Summer’s Eve? Do you do that part first? Do you actually leave it on the side of your tub with the other bottles, or does it live under your bed and then you carry it with you to the shower? Is it more embarrassing to have a guest discover a vaginal cleansing wash under your bed or in your bathroom? And it’s a wash, so do you just make one or two passes over the general area each time? And, genuine curiosity, is it actually for your vulva, and we’re just saying “vagina,” or are you making a good faith effort to get it all up in there?

(Prepared to now accept comments from vegans who tout their lentil-rich diet’s superior ability to ensure a pleasantly aromatic vagina.)

The rest of the campaign:

(Here’s that quiz if you’d like to take it.)