Things Jack White Is For and Against, Judging by His New Album

Judging by his new solo album, Lazaretto, here are some stances Jack White is taking.

Things He’s For:

• making people look up his album titles in the dictionary
• polyamory (old news)
• women’s hair colors in addition to red (new news)
• singing Spanish lyrics in a not-completely-terrible accent
• a female God
• drinking gasoline
• penance, atonement
• Nietzsche, Freud, and Horace
• a friendship between two fellows named Juan and Abel (*looks up lyrics*) oh just kidding, apparently it’s “Want and Able,” this kind of changes the song

Things He’s Against:

• being quarantined on the Isle of Mann
• having to prove his love
• being hurt (but not physical pain)
• water (but not standing out in the rain)
• people telling him what to do
• kids these days who think they can have what they want whenever they want
• kids these days who live like Caesar
• kids these days who are spoiled and getting worse every day
• moving to New York
• Jack Chick comics
• black licorice