Unverified Uses For Essential Oils

These amazing remedies are absolutely not approved by the FDA

Sarah Aswell
The Hairpin
1 min readDec 8, 2016

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  • Rosemary oil for menstrual cramps.
  • Basil oil to find your other shoe.
  • Lemon oil to clean whatever.
  • Frankincense oil to swallow fewer spiders while you are sleeping.
  • Yarrow oil to solve land disputes.
  • Tea tree oil to throw a magnificent dinner party for six of your closest friends.
  • Clove oil to kill nests of witches.
  • Eucalyptus oil to eliminate background noise during conference calls.
  • Sage oil to make your ex feel a sudden emptiness.
  • Peppermint oil for overdraft fees.
  • Juniper oil to remember.
  • Grapefruit oil to forget.

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Sarah Aswell
The Hairpin

I'm a freelance humor writer and stand-up comedian living in Montana. You can read my writing in places like The New Yorker, MAD Magazine, and McSweeneys.