A True Masculine Friend

to get one you must be one

Men, what’s more difficult than having a relationship with a woman? Surprise, it’s having a relationship with a man. It’s so hard. Most often we just refuse to make friends because at least that we can control. Right? Let’s not be so naïve to think that it’s easier than trying to figure out what she’s thinking. Plus, most of you reading this understand the added stigma of what it actually means to be in relationship with another man. Those who have been allowed to define what a male to male relationship looks like have, as Coach Mo says it on this weeks’ episode of the podcast, “perverted” the definition. Why? Because they want to simplify masculine relationships into a space that easily maneuvered.

Sugar coating things is exactly the reason why we are in the mess that we are in now. As men, we are constantly searching for something more, something different, while failing those we are responsible for. If we are serious about living life to the fullest and maximizing our God-given potential, or at least finding peace where we are, then acknowledging that living in community isn’t going to be enough as we close the garage door behind us to shut out the rest of the world. A real relationship with a real man is going to be necessary. And just like eating broccoli, you have to start, and understand the whys, even in the I don’t like it phase to get its true value.

Just as Ben mentions this week and in weeks’ past, most often our first pushback on this is the likelihood that we don’t know how to make true friends because we weren’t shown. Raise your hand if your dad was affectionate, asked you how you were doing emotionally, and/or corrected you in a way that after it was all over you said, “You know what, you’re right.” Not many hands I suppose.

But in the year of solutions, let’s don’t set our sights on piling up the problems and finding someone to point the figure at.

Let’s take it back to old school advice that does work. In order to get one, be one. If you are searching frantically for a friend, be one. Fake it until you feel it if you must. If you need an extra push, here are some sure-fire markers that you are being a friend that a friend would want to have…

• You are not concerned with what you get out of it.
• Nothing is considered a “huge favor” for you.
• You man your territory while willing to help others do the same.
• You will not passively watch someone in need when you have the ability to do something.
• You are willing to reveal before expecting it in return.
• You link up with those who have shared cause, on purpose.
• Respect those around you enough to deal with internal conflict

If you’re not sure how you are doing with these markers, ask someone to tell you how you are doing. You simply cannot see your own face sometimes, and there’s your start of a true masculine friendship.

Before you go…

Listen in on the week’s episode to learn more about the art of being a true friend to another man. Obviously, we think it’s worth your time.