Don’t Let Me Down

This is a challenge in which both me and my family lack and struggle to succeed in doing. It’s something where we put blame on others rather than coming to the stage or taking responsibility for our own actions and owning up to our mistakes, without blame or guilt. Though many times enough of my own choices I’ve made the right choice of taking responsibility.

For example with my mental health recovery and the choices I’ve made lead to my parents and sister not understanding I’m making the choices and acting the way I have been and continue to! Which was what I needed to do when it comes to my mental health and my recovery, is my reason and answer to in all those times I’ve acted in ways that my parents and sister view as wrong in their own views.

One day they will understand why I made the choices I made from Day 1 of my recovery up to that day they come to learn and discover that I was actually doing all the right choices. And when it comes to my choices I made in college that lead me to almost failing the program, (when really I just failed 1 course instead of 2); I made all the right choices I made at the time.

I did the best I could in those moments! I used all the available support (counsellor, learning skills support from Brenda, tutor: Agnes, a couple classmates I met with to help with homework: Zara & Kayleigh, met with Alicia another support for my learning disability & another academic support! Minus the healthy and proper support by my parents, sister and program coordinator, Amy Gleiser.

I tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen when I told her about my depression. My family want me to come to terms with them what I think I could do differently during that 2nd semester of college to do better academically. But I can’t really think what I could do differently.

I made all those choices and because of them, along the way after those moments past, they taught me valuable lessons to which have made me stronger and wiser! And for that, I’m proud, grateful and happy with!

Taking responsibility for your own actions and owning up to your mistakes is not an easy thing for anyone to do because of the shame and sometimes even the stigma around any topic/subject that can prevent someone from owning up to something. When in result if they did own up to a mistake, they would be faced with disappointment, shame, and other emotions being expressed by another partner or person.

But to bring attention to me about this particular topic, I’ve struggled and even before that, I became quite unsure of how to take responsibility without blame or guilt for some things. And then when it comes to my parents, oh boy they really make it hard for themselves. For example, I mention a previous event/moment from the past and say that they did… wrong and all they’d respond with is that it’s nothing to do with them but to do with me owning up to it and fixing it because I am the only one who can; my mistake, my responsibility to fix it like if I spilt something, its my responsibility to clean it up.

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