How to Embrace Resistance and Triumph on the Path to Finding Yourself
What I had to accept in order to move forward.
If fitting in is a basic human instinct, why does it make us so miserable?
I couldn’t get that question out of my mind. The sheer exhaustion that comes from years of carefully monitoring everything I say, do or think had finally caught up to me.
The oh-so-perfect mask I had crafted for myself wasn’t fulfilling anymore. But, I realized I didn’t know how to live without it.
As humans, we are experiencing a period of great awakening. More and more of us are coming to the same turning point I recently found myself at.
There are two roads for us to take here:
1: We wear the mask for the rest of our lives and continue to smash our true selves to smithereens.
Or
2: We realize we know absolutely nothing about who we really are and decide we can’t go on like this.
It’s Time to Make the Choice
After coming to this fork in the road, I closed my eyes, counted to three, and ran down road #2.
For those who choose to do the same, I must share that it can be an infuriating experience.
The second I decided to stop aligning with my mask and limiting beliefs, I felt intense resistance and the desire to run to road #1. The more resistance I felt, the more upset I got with myself.
“Why can’t I just be me? Why does it have to be so hard?” I would ask myself while I wondered how the hell I would get out of this cycle.
It’s way too easy to get stuck in this transition period of knowing change needs to happen but not knowing if you have what it takes to go for it. Eventually, I realized if I kept running back to my mask, I’d one day be lying on my death bed filled with what-ifs.
I couldn’t let that happen.
4 Ways to Unlock Our Power
To rid ourselves of resistance, we have to open our eyes to our true power. The power of choice.
Every day, I woke up and chose to believe the voice telling me I would never be able to leave my old ways behind. If it was easy for me to make that choice, then theoretically, it had to be just as easy to choose something different, right?
To put this theory into practice, I decided to see what would happen if I chose to accept resistance and its lessons instead of fighting it.
A lot has come to light during this experiment of mine, including these four pretty essential concepts we must come to terms with on the road to finding ourselves:
1: We must accept that we’ve been lying to ourselves.
Every reason we have to hide who we are is rooted in the belief that we are unworthy of love.
This is a giant sack of you-know-what. God placed us on this Earth whole and fully equipped with everything we need to complete this life’s mission. Wrapping your mind around this fact is crucial.
I’ve found it helpful to affirm, “I am aware that this feeling is rooted in a lie. This is not a reflection of who I am” whenever I come across a solid urge to shrink myself or care about others’ perception of me.
2: We must accept that we don’t know who we are right now.
In a world filled with slogans telling us to be unapologetically us, this can be very hard. However, it’s nothing to be ashamed of or upset about.
Think about it this way: accepting that we don’t know who we are in this present “now” means that we are also acknowledging that there is a future “now” in which we will be one with ourselves.
3: We must accept that people out there won’t like the real us.
This is actually a great thing. When we’re authentically ourselves, we will trigger many people who find it hard to be authentically them. That’s just the way it is. They might be seeing something in us that is hard for them to see in themselves, and that’s okay. We were not put on this earth to be liked by every soul we come in contact with. The sooner we accept this, the better our mental health will be.
4: We must accept our triggers as friends, not foes.
When I started actually listening to triggers that pop up instead of pushing them down, I’ve found they led me to the truth of how they came to be and how I can begin to heal them.
Once I started implementing that healing, I could release the need to put my mask on when those triggers were sparked.
What I’ve Learned So Far
During the past few weeks, I’ve realized that resistance is not the giant monster I’ve built it up to be. The more I see it as a friend here to share its wisdom, the more I can see life clearly.
One of the most exciting things I’ve opened my eyes to is just how far I’ve come. I might not be where I want to be, but I’m light years ahead of where I started, and that’s something to be proud of.
These days, I even find myself having the confidence to do things I’ve always wanted to do but let fear talk me out of, like initiating conversations with strangers on the elevator and speaking up for myself when situations call for it. These might seem small, but trust me when I say these are huge wins for me.
The Takeaway
It’s okay to not know who we are behind the mask. It’s okay to take our time figuring it out. And it’s absolutely okay to feel uncomfortable during this time of self-discovery.
All that matters is that we show up every day and promise ourselves that instead of going back, we’ll keep moving forward. When we feel stuck, acceptance is the force that will propel us along.
Never forget that, as comfortable as fitting in can be for our ego, falling madly in love with ourselves will feel much better for the soul.
