If You See a Toilet in Your Dream, Don’t Sit on That Motherf*cker
I’m convinced my body owes me a huge apology.
Hey there, body,
I’d appreciate it if you stopped playing your mind games. Literally. Just STOP.
I do a lot for you. I make sure you eat lots of low-carb vegetables, I pluck the random chin hairs you’ve decided to bestow upon me at 37, and I’m learning what Kegels are.
I admit I could do better eating fruit and flossing my teeth, so don’t judge me too harshly. The least you can do is let me sleep without some mind-f*ckery.
I almost fell for your bullsh*t last night. I’d like to respectfully remind you this is the second time this week you tried to pull the wool over my eyes. So far the score is:
Me: 2 — Your Mind Games: 0
I’m not falling for your pranks. Last night, you baited me with another phenomenal dream. It did not involve my crush Daniel Craig, nor the flamingo beaches of Fiji. Instead, you lured me like a sugar-addicted kid to an ice cream truck.
I can see you shrugging your shoulders. “What did I do?”
You flashed the toilet at me! After a peaceful night’s sleep of a much-needed eight hours, you had the guts to do it. Hook. Line. Sinker. The TOILET.
